Sassy Soul Pillows

"Must everything be hormonal? Can't I just be in a bad mood sometimes?"

"Yeah, I got into trouble, but I think the principal really enjoyed my rendition of 'I Did It My Way.'"

Cat Tie

What's In Her Bag? Coachella Edition!

'It's baseball season!'

Clown to clown on unicycle: 'How does it corner?'

"I can't stay in this hospital bed too long. Everyone will think I'm too old...too fragile...ready for the home. I'm not ready for that!"

Cheerleaders

"I'll probably die an old woman before I get that bedtime story."

'That one's going to be a klutz.'

'You're so nice and friendly that I've got nothing to moan about. That's a bit of cheek!'

Whatever!

'He's known as the hardest-driving track coach in the country.'

Monster Horrorscopes

"Ha! Now no one can call me 'old'! I just overtook a sports car!"

I'm Aging Gracefully...so SHUT UP!!!

"I still jump out of bed every morning. I just don't stick the landing as often."

'What do you mean, 'act my age'?... If I did that I'd be dead!'

"I've had many men in this town darling, but many men have not had me."

'Sure, I am usually old and wise, but with you my boy, I just love to be silly!'

Furniture from hell.

"Does the phone in my back pocket make my butt look too big?"

'With a five day week I golfed and fished. On a four day week I took up bowling and with a three day week I started skiing. Gentlemen, I'm too tired for a two day week.'

"Good arm."

'Perfect birthday party dear, but so it should be after the practice you've had over so many years.'

"In other words homogenius."

'I don't eat organic foods. At my age I can use all the preservatives I can get.'

Boot Sale: Buy One Boot Get Second Boot Free.

"He's perfectly nice, but sort of boring, like good cholesterol or something."

"Sweetie, words have the power to hurt. I'll teach you some of the most effective ones."

"Can think of 14 reasons to leave you, plus your obsession with tennis."

Zorbing

'...Ok clothes, for the way you or someone else could live if you chose to, but you don't so you buy the clothes anyway as silly, sassy statement of defiance!'

ACME COMPUTER DATING SERVICE, 'She should be attractive, intelligenty, charming, and funny, or best offer.