Sassy Solutions Advocate Gifts

'Boys keep bothering me -- I'd like to buy a bottle of perfume and a baseball bat!'

"Yeah, I got into trouble, but I think the principal really enjoyed my rendition of 'I Did It My Way.'"

What's In Her Bag? Coachella Edition!

"I'll probably die an old woman before I get that bedtime story."

'You're so nice and friendly that I've got nothing to moan about. That's a bit of cheek!'

Whatever!

Stand back - while I whip something up

I'm Aging Gracefully...so SHUT UP!!!

"It's not he worst meal I've ever eaten, that was your dinner yesterday."

"I've had many men in this town darling, but many men have not had me."

Furniture from hell.

"The Mashed Potato Casserole with Creamed Spinach, Baked Egg and Garlic is half price tonight, sir. It's horrible."

"Does the phone in my back pocket make my butt look too big?"

"You know you have a weak heart, mom. Sit down on your favorite rocking chair and just it easy."

"Miss. Did you ever actually meet Julius Caesar?"

'Perfect birthday party dear, but so it should be after the practice you've had over so many years.'

"In other words homogenius."

'I don't eat organic foods. At my age I can use all the preservatives I can get.'

"I'd like a glass of tap water, a dirty look and a sarcastic comment please."

"Sweetie, words have the power to hurt. I'll teach you some of the most effective ones."

"He's perfectly nice, but sort of boring, like good cholesterol or something."

'Sorry, I can't hear you because this jerk in front of me has a really crinkly wrapper.'

ACME COMPUTER DATING SERVICE, 'She should be attractive, intelligenty, charming, and funny, or best offer.

"Can think of 14 reasons to leave you, plus your obsession with tennis."

"Have your people get in touch with my people."

"I'm sorry, have you been grimacing long?"

The quest for spinsterhood.

"'Lone Wolf"? No babe, you've misread it: my online profile reads 'Love Wolf'!"

Nice try, but you can't blame your empty highball on global warming.

Can you believe we're old enough to have kids taking sex-ed? No! Thank heavens they have a curriculum with all the choices. Although

"Copywriting is too 'writing.'"

High heeled woman stepping on man's feet

'Could you spin the lazy susan so I can reach the tartar sauce, please,'

A lady teaching a young man to write

Polly want a cracker? Sure. While you're up, get a life.