Sassy Mom Gifts

Can you believe we're old enough to have kids taking sex-ed? No! Thank heavens they have a curriculum with all the choices. Although

"Them's cat-fightin' words, Arlin!"

"I'll probably die an old woman before I get that bedtime story."

'You're so nice and friendly that I've got nothing to moan about. That's a bit of cheek!'

"I got the kids to try more vegetables by putting sugar in the salt shaker."

Stand back - while I whip something up

I'm Aging Gracefully...so SHUT UP!!!

"It's not he worst meal I've ever eaten, that was your dinner yesterday."

'What do you mean, 'act my age'?... If I did that I'd be dead!'

"Does the phone in my back pocket make my butt look too big?"

'She taught me that copping an attitude will get you everything.'

'Watch your step. I happen to know you're an alpha male.'

"You know you have a weak heart, mom. Sit down on your favorite rocking chair and just it easy."

For mom's birthday, Dylan wanted to surprise her by making breakfast in bed.

"Miss. Did you ever actually meet Julius Caesar?"

"Do you have something that says, 'Quit stalking me'?"

"In other words homogenius."

'I don't eat organic foods. At my age I can use all the preservatives I can get.'

'I'm not eating that - it hasn't been advertised on the telly...'

"Sweetie, words have the power to hurt. I'll teach you some of the most effective ones."

'Well, if my son does have a belligerent attitude, then he must have picked it up here at school.'

'Sorry, I can't hear you because this jerk in front of me has a really crinkly wrapper.'

'...Ok clothes, for the way you or someone else could live if you chose to, but you don't so you buy the clothes anyway as silly, sassy statement of defiance!'

Mother goosing her young son.

"Can think of 14 reasons to leave you, plus your obsession with tennis."

"Have your people get in touch with my people."

The quest for spinsterhood.

'It's a record of my daughter's rising hemline.'

A Fact.

"'Lone Wolf"? No babe, you've misread it: my online profile reads 'Love Wolf'!"

"That's what I'd give my sister-in-law if she could take care of nice things."

'The computer's running on at the mouth again.'

A lady teaching a young man to write

Polly want a cracker? Sure. While you're up, get a life.

"Must everything be hormonal? Can't I just be in a bad mood sometimes?"