Sassy Parents Gifts

'Well, if my son does have a belligerent attitude, then he must have picked it up here at school.'

"Actually, I'm really looking for blessings that aren't in disguise"

Well, you know these child prodigies - they can be very demanding about how their work is displayed.

'Are we there yet?'

'Your wife has given birth to the blues.'

'Oh dear. He's got my eyes.'

'I must be going through a mid-life crisis.'

"Today in school we learned how to glue!"

The Wright brothers discover the first nightmare flight

Fat Kid 14- Gets re-animated

'You're so nice and friendly that I've got nothing to moan about. That's a bit of cheek!'

"This diaper makes my butt look big..."

"My fella was chucked out of the water-birth for running around the pool and bombing."

'...and please God, protect the social security fund for another sixty years.'

'Monster mobiles.'

Yummy Mummy

Australian baby with toys hanging from his hat rather than corks

I'm Aging Gracefully...so SHUT UP!!!

'Can you do the dishes, love. I'll do the school run.'

'Gautier goes to Mothercare.'

Oh, Wow! With all this baby food flying around, I can't wait until he starts eating steak!!!

'I took her to register in kindergarten, and they wanted a damage deposit.'

'Of course I respect him more than you - He's house trained!'

The cost of bringing up children soars to more than £140,000.

"They'll come home. They're microchipped."

"Miss. Did you ever actually meet Julius Caesar?"

"What I want to eat? That's easy. Anything you don't have."

'Mummy-do you believe in cod?'

"My parents are the same way. Lots of ostentatious child-rearing, very little direct nurturing."

"You BOTH have the asshole gene?"

'He's adopted.'

'My Mom wears her cap backwards to keep the sun out of the eyes in the back of her head.'

'I'm not eating that - it hasn't been advertised on the telly...'