Sarcastic Skeptics Gifts

"Whoa, whoa, whoa, lady, can't you read?"

"Delegating authority is good. Delegating blame is better."

The First Fire Stick

'Did you clear this through Legal first?'

'I knew this was a bad place to work when I saw that they call the company handbook 'the Owner's Manual.''

"The bad news is we've fired 80% of your office. The good news is we're fixing the coffee machine."

'great win, kids! Let's celebrate... My treat!!'

"Try unplugging it and throwing it out the window."

"Because you've been working so little, you can have the rest of your career here off."

'Yes, it's easy to make a mistake in a conduct dismissal, Bob. But as mistakes go this is a big one.'

"Phizby, your can't do attitude has really cut down on screw-ups around here. Keep up the good work!"

"But, Jesus - you can't become an atheist."

"I work smart, instead of hard. You do all the work and I take all the credit."

"I've founded my own religion." "Of course you have, Rudy." "It's off to a good start. Already, it's being mocked by people of other faiths." "If history's any guide, within a couple hundred years, it'll be widely accepted and people who don't believe in it will be persecuted." "What are the central tenets of your religion?" "A true Rudian knows that life is suffering, and winning arguments online is salvation."

Attorney At Law: Today's special - Bankruptcy and Divorce. Two for the price of one.

"I guess the point I'm trying to make is, calling the committee on Progress and Evolution a bunch of know-it-all nincompoops might have felt good when you said it, but..."

'I've decided to make you someone else's problem.'

Crystal Ball Plug

'The fact that you worked as an unpaid intern shows you don't understand the concept of being a banker.'

'To Err is human...but to forgive is against company policy!'

'What's your favourite operating system?' - 'I don't have one.' - 'Well, you killed that conversation.' - 'It deserved to die.'

Peter explains to the Disciples what really happened.

"Can't you just troll me?"

"Hey - let's not us re-invent wheel."

"How about fashionably never?"

"Where the hell were you fourteen years ago?"

"Congratulations, gentlemen - we have achieved failure."

"The end of my patience is near!"

'Hey, I know how to stop famine and poverty! Let's have lunch and after that, we go on making money!'

'I'm always broke because I keep getting MUGGED!'

'If looks could sue, eh, Walt?'

"Of course failure is an option; I use it all the time!"

"I've only had three pints and I'm totally wasted. . . I'll never drink vodka again!"

The End is Near...You Wish.