Sarcastic Skeptic Gifts

'It's an exclusive property sir. This is the only one with a price small enough to fit on the wall!'

"Delegating authority is good. Delegating blame is better."

'In a nutshell, foods are drugged and drugs are eaten like food.'

The First Fire Stick

'What he said about judgement day is scary. Maybe we should find a good lawyer.'

'Did you clear this through Legal first?'

'I knew this was a bad place to work when I saw that they call the company handbook 'the Owner's Manual.''

"The bad news is we've fired 80% of your office. The good news is we're fixing the coffee machine."

"Try unplugging it and throwing it out the window."

'Yes, it's easy to make a mistake in a conduct dismissal, Bob. But as mistakes go this is a big one.'

"Phizby, your can't do attitude has really cut down on screw-ups around here. Keep up the good work!"

"Let's wait for it to come out on cable and then not watch it."

"I've founded my own religion." "Of course you have, Rudy." "It's off to a good start. Already, it's being mocked by people of other faiths." "If history's any guide, within a couple hundred years, it'll be widely accepted and people who don't believe in it will be persecuted." "What are the central tenets of your religion?" "A true Rudian knows that life is suffering, and winning arguments online is salvation."

Attorney At Law: Today's special - Bankruptcy and Divorce. Two for the price of one.

"I guess the point I'm trying to make is, calling the committee on Progress and Evolution a bunch of know-it-all nincompoops might have felt good when you said it, but..."

'I've decided to make you someone else's problem.'

"I'm the black sheep of the family because I'm afraid of the dark."

'The fact that you worked as an unpaid intern shows you don't understand the concept of being a banker.'

"The damsel-in-distress thing is just one of several income streams that I pursue."

'What's your favourite operating system?' - 'I don't have one.' - 'Well, you killed that conversation.' - 'It deserved to die.'

'To Err is human...but to forgive is against company policy!'

"Can't you just troll me?"

"Hey - let's not us re-invent wheel."

"How about fashionably never?"

"Where the hell were you fourteen years ago?"

"Congratulations, gentlemen - we have achieved failure."

'I'm always broke because I keep getting MUGGED!'

"I've only had three pints and I'm totally wasted. . . I'll never drink vodka again!"

'Hey, I know how to stop famine and poverty! Let's have lunch and after that, we go on making money!'

"The end of my patience is near!"

'If looks could sue, eh, Walt?'

"Of course failure is an option; I use it all the time!"

The End is Near...You Wish.

"We also stock non-alcoholic wine" "Why?"