Sarcasm Superstar Gifts

I'm not sharing top billing with you on my radio hour. I created it. I am the vision, the reason people tune in, but I'm not a tyrant. I agree you should get your name in the show's title. The Sadie Cohen Radio Hour graciously allows a pervert to make occasional comments. Speak, pervert. Bite me, Tyrant.

'The History Channel is all reruns.'

'This time we're going to do things right. And if that doesn't work, we'll just go back to stealing.'

"I'd like the garden salad with the blue cheese dressing, and my mother would like me married by age thirty."

"This is the perfect way to watch movies if you love mosquitoes and having a cold, wet butt."

"Oooh... Look, honey. Scarlet macaws! You know, they mate for life." "That's what you think."

'That's not really what I meant by 'let your hair down', Rapunzel.'

To no ones surprise, they ran head-on into one another. (All couples are wearing teachers reading 'I'm with Stupid'.)

"I've no idea. Maybe it's the slumber channel."

"So, you say I'll be doubling the numbers of animals I kill?"

'I'll have you know sir, that we used the finest columbian coffee beans in that dishwater.'

Another day at work would be one too many...

"You're a strong, virile stallion of a man, Randy. Has anyone ever told you that?"

"We're at the top of the food chain and rulers of all we survey. What could possibly go wrong?"

"Lost my job. But I'm pretty sure it's around here somewhere."

Sign on desk reads: 'Thanks for not wishing me a nice day.'

I'd like to take this menu and shove it where the sun don't shine. But I'll settle for the omelette & hash browns...

"Someone throw him a punchline!"

The Snarky District

Do it yourself books.

'Don't fall for all that...you should see him first thing in the morning.'

"Cards to remind people that you still haven’t gotten a thank you note from them"

Man cutting hedge next to two heads impaled on sticks. Signs beneath say 'You missed a bit' and 'You can do mine next'.

"To address this mistake we must be professional and use root-cause analysis. I'll start by saying it's not my fault...."

"Where do you see yourself in 20 to 25 years?"

"It's good to know she was butchered for a noble cause."

Czarcasm

While old, sick, and weak animals remained targets, the lions most enjoyed culling the herd of its sarcastic teenagers.

I put a picture of my lunch on Facebook, and nobody hit "like." Who doesn't like Slim Jims and beer?

'Oh no, it's the Burkes! You stall them here while I go fix my hair and don't let them roam around. Remember, once you have cockroaches in your kitchen, you'll never get rid of them.'

"Everybody gets a raise."

"Does anyone know where we keep the unwritten rules?"

'I imagine you'll be asking for a full refund.'

Beware of Falling Notice.

'We only serve menacing drunks here Sir, not small insignificant ones.'