Sarcasm Champion Gifts

"I missed the meeting on employee theft. What was the takeaway?"

"So what kind of mood is he in?"

The Department of Really Stupid Ideas: 'Most people think they just appear out of thin air! But the truth is, there's a great deal of very hard work involved!'

"Tight......this isn't tight...now a New York City apartment......that's tight."

'This time we're going to do things right. And if that doesn't work, we'll just go back to stealing.'

"No, I didn't steal your content. I just have your content's doppleganger."

"I'd like the garden salad with the blue cheese dressing, and my mother would like me married by age thirty."

"This is the perfect way to watch movies if you love mosquitoes and having a cold, wet butt."

"Oooh... Look, honey. Scarlet macaws! You know, they mate for life." "That's what you think."

'You're overdue for your checkup.'

To no ones surprise, they ran head-on into one another. (All couples are wearing teachers reading 'I'm with Stupid'.)

'What's that? It's a leaving present for the next person who comes in late.'

#Thanksgiving #Nofilter

"You're a strong, virile stallion of a man, Randy. Has anyone ever told you that?"

"Your usually vicious sarcasm is weak. Go pump some irony."

'I'll have you know sir, that we used the finest columbian coffee beans in that dishwater.'

"Hoskins, try saying 'profits are up' without the finger quotes, okay?"

You want me to be a what? A hipster. My research shows caf

"Lost my job. But I'm pretty sure it's around here somewhere."

Sign on desk reads: 'Thanks for not wishing me a nice day.'

"I thought they were cracking down on jaywalking."

"To address this mistake we must be professional and use root-cause analysis. I'll start by saying it's not my fault...."

"It's good to know she was butchered for a noble cause."

While old, sick, and weak animals remained targets, the lions most enjoyed culling the herd of its sarcastic teenagers.

"My tariffs will move the world in a new direction!!"

"This is Briggs, our new department head. He's got an amazing knack for reducing complex problems into easy-to-understand witch hunts!"

The Snarky District

"To save time, I'll just mention the people I’m not thanking."

'Someday TVs will be in big boxes on the floor.'

"Does anyone know where we keep the unwritten rules?"

'Stop staring and make a wish!'

"Of course it's a stupid sign, but you wouldn't believe how much money it brings in for city hall!"

Beware of Falling Notice.

'We only serve menacing drunks here Sir, not small insignificant ones.'

"He's my smart-aleck twin."