Sarcasm Savorer Gifts

"It's all there. And because of the pressure to conform to social norms I've included a 20% tip."

'I was retaining water, so I cut out the salt. Now I retain gas.'

"All lies,dear boy. This is lemonade."

"And this scar? Bread knife slipped whilst cutting a slice of sourdough."

"Living in a city with functional infrastructure must be so boring."

"Tight......this isn't tight...now a New York City apartment......that's tight."

'This time we're going to do things right. And if that doesn't work, we'll just go back to stealing.'

"No, I didn't steal your content. I just have your content's doppleganger."

"I'd like the garden salad with the blue cheese dressing, and my mother would like me married by age thirty."

'That's not really what I meant by 'let your hair down', Rapunzel.'

"Oooh... Look, honey. Scarlet macaws! You know, they mate for life." "That's what you think."

He's in training for the rugby World Cup.

'You're overdue for your checkup.'

To no ones surprise, they ran head-on into one another. (All couples are wearing teachers reading 'I'm with Stupid'.)

'What's that? It's a leaving present for the next person who comes in late.'

"So, you say I'll be doubling the numbers of animals I kill?"

German Expressionist Breakfast

#Thanksgiving #Nofilter

You want me to be a what? A hipster. My research shows caf

'I'll have you know sir, that we used the finest columbian coffee beans in that dishwater.'

"You're a strong, virile stallion of a man, Randy. Has anyone ever told you that?"

"Hoskins, try saying 'profits are up' without the finger quotes, okay?"

"Lost my job. But I'm pretty sure it's around here somewhere."

Sign on desk reads: 'Thanks for not wishing me a nice day.'

"I thought they were cracking down on jaywalking."

Devil's food cake/Angel's food cake. Delivery mix-up.

While old, sick, and weak animals remained targets, the lions most enjoyed culling the herd of its sarcastic teenagers.

The Snarky District

"My tariffs will move the world in a new direction!!"

"This is Briggs, our new department head. He's got an amazing knack for reducing complex problems into easy-to-understand witch hunts!"

"To address this mistake we must be professional and use root-cause analysis. I'll start by saying it's not my fault...."

"To save time, I'll just mention the people I’m not thanking."

'Someday TVs will be in big boxes on the floor.'

'Don't fall for all that...you should see him first thing in the morning.'

"Where do you see yourself in 20 to 25 years?"