Sarcasm Appreciator Gifts

"You keep him busy while I go for help."

"But I hate su casa."

"Oh yeah? Well my dad's child support payments are bigger than your dad's."

'Well done son. You've put on another inch since last week.'

'I'm concerned about the high levels of blood we found in your blood test.'

My decision is final. No ifs, ands or butts. / Plans for Casual Day suffer a setback.

'Come on in.. We'll treat you just like family!'

"Would the gentleman prefer an antidepressant?"

Suppliers Accounts - "You'll have to be more careful, that's the second time this month you've paid an invoice on time."

'Sorry, we don't take credit cards. Hey, look at me - I'm stopping a charging Grizzly! Ha ha ha ha!'

"Spelling and punctuation is not a fad!"

'Keep calm and wait for this irritating fad to pass.'

GPS: 'Sorry return to the main road.'

Man wearing t-shirt - 'Apathetic but don't care'.

'But I took the day off because you said you were delivering today.'

This Sand Is sooo...Scrumptious.

'You want next door - this is inhuman resources.'

And remember if you ever get the urge to drop in to see us - stifle it.

"I relapsed."

'How old is this vase?'

"Well, it's a good thing you changed cigarettes, Frank. You only have cancer light."

"That's a wrap..!"

"One more remark like that, lady, and you'll never get to see this show."

"In twenty-five expletives or less, what sort of day did you have?"

"How do you know it's my leaves clogging the shower drain?"

Google Translate for Marriagese

'That book is the real hazard!'

'It's a soothing sounds machine. Spring Rain, Summer Breeze, and Fall School Bus.'

"You can never find those effing guys in their own effing store."

'I'm taking vacation next week. And wouldn't you know it, the wife wants to go on a cruise.'

If that slips off and I break a leg, you'll be hearing from my lawyer.

30 min. time limit while others are waiting.

'Why don't you give up breathing for lent?'

'It's the council's flood defence system.'

A recent study found that scarecrows now actually attract birds. Experts blame it on millions of littering slobs.