Sarcasm Buff Gifts

"Julie...would you cancel my 4 o'clock please...?"

"Living in a city with functional infrastructure must be so boring."

"So what kind of mood is he in?"

The Department of Really Stupid Ideas: 'Most people think they just appear out of thin air! But the truth is, there's a great deal of very hard work involved!'

'This time we're going to do things right. And if that doesn't work, we'll just go back to stealing.'

"This is the perfect way to watch movies if you love mosquitoes and having a cold, wet butt."

"I'd like the garden salad with the blue cheese dressing, and my mother would like me married by age thirty."

"I've done this procedure so often I could do it in my sleep. But that's only happened twice – that I'll admit to."

Smart Ass - Wise Ass

"Oooh... Look, honey. Scarlet macaws! You know, they mate for life." "That's what you think."

He's in training for the rugby World Cup.

"So, you say I'll be doubling the numbers of animals I kill?"

German Expressionist Breakfast

'I'll have you know sir, that we used the finest columbian coffee beans in that dishwater.'

"Let's consider an early dive."

"Your usually vicious sarcasm is weak. Go pump some irony."

"Lost my job. But I'm pretty sure it's around here somewhere."

"The announcement of the changes really went well."

"Cards to remind people that you still haven’t gotten a thank you note from them"

'The Burrito King.'

While old, sick, and weak animals remained targets, the lions most enjoyed culling the herd of its sarcastic teenagers.

'Don't fall for all that...you should see him first thing in the morning.'

"To address this mistake we must be professional and use root-cause analysis. I'll start by saying it's not my fault...."

Czarcasm

"Where do you see yourself in 20 to 25 years?"

The Snarky District

"Does anyone know where we keep the unwritten rules?"

"Of course it's a stupid sign, but you wouldn't believe how much money it brings in for city hall!"

Pharaoh Cocoon

Beware of Falling Notice.

'We only serve menacing drunks here Sir, not small insignificant ones.'

"He's my smart-aleck twin."

"I just edited your Wikipedia entry." "Big whoop." "What a coincidence, that's what scientists have classified you as: Bigwhoop." "...The much grumpier, much louder, and much, much older second cousin of Bigfoot." "You lousy son of a..." "Wait... thank you. That's very flattering."

'I wouldn't kick her out of bed.'