Sarcasm Buff Gifts

"Julie...would you cancel my 4 o'clock please...?"

"Living in a city with functional infrastructure must be so boring."

"So what kind of mood is he in?"

The Department of Really Stupid Ideas: 'Most people think they just appear out of thin air! But the truth is, there's a great deal of very hard work involved!'

'This time we're going to do things right. And if that doesn't work, we'll just go back to stealing.'

"I'd like the garden salad with the blue cheese dressing, and my mother would like me married by age thirty."

"This is the perfect way to watch movies if you love mosquitoes and having a cold, wet butt."

"I've done this procedure so often I could do it in my sleep. But that's only happened twice – that I'll admit to."

Smart Ass - Wise Ass

He's in training for the rugby World Cup.

'That's not really what I meant by 'let your hair down', Rapunzel.'

"Oooh... Look, honey. Scarlet macaws! You know, they mate for life." "That's what you think."

"So, you say I'll be doubling the numbers of animals I kill?"

German Expressionist Breakfast

'I'll have you know sir, that we used the finest columbian coffee beans in that dishwater.'

"Let's consider an early dive."

"Your usually vicious sarcasm is weak. Go pump some irony."

"Lost my job. But I'm pretty sure it's around here somewhere."

"The announcement of the changes really went well."

Devil's food cake/Angel's food cake. Delivery mix-up.

'Don't fall for all that...you should see him first thing in the morning.'

While old, sick, and weak animals remained targets, the lions most enjoyed culling the herd of its sarcastic teenagers.

Czarcasm

"To address this mistake we must be professional and use root-cause analysis. I'll start by saying it's not my fault...."

"Where do you see yourself in 20 to 25 years?"

"Cards to remind people that you still haven’t gotten a thank you note from them"

'The Burrito King.'

The Snarky District

"Does anyone know where we keep the unwritten rules?"

"Of course it's a stupid sign, but you wouldn't believe how much money it brings in for city hall!"

'We only serve menacing drunks here Sir, not small insignificant ones.'

Beware of Falling Notice.

Pharaoh Cocoon

"Tom, I’d like you to meet Chris. Chris is better than you."

Desk plaque: 'P. Burnside, Upper-Echelon Nincompoop'