Santa's Negotiator Pillows

"It's only weeks to Christmas. We have him right where we want him."

"Of course, I'm willing to negotiate. . ."

Santa knows he has to be more careful. One more accident due to pilot error, and the FAA would take away his pilot's license for good.

'Our relationship would be perfect if it wasn't for you!'

"So yes, I bit him! How was I supposed to know it was Master wearing a red fat-suit and a fake white beard?"

The other days of the year...

"Sponsoring Christmas this year was an act of sheer marketing genius."

'Listen, Santa. Either you repay what you owe, or we reposses Rudolph!'

'I mind my mother, and I do my lessons, and I'm here for the quid pro quo.'

Father Christmas deciding whether the Tory Party are naughty or nice.

'Shhhhh...He's preparing for the holiday season.'

'What's all this 'naughty or nice' jazz? ? Haven't you ever heard of situational ethics?'

"What I want for Christmas is to have the day off and watch 'Miracle on 34th Street'."

Outward bound/Homeward bound.

Santa asks man if cholesterol is naught or nice.

Tunnel of I Need You to Help Out More Around the House

'Management says we've had it too good for too long. They're demanding concessions.'

"Mrs. Santa Claus wants a divorce, the elves in my workshop is on strike, the reindeer just hate me and global warming makes my place in the North Pole melt!"

"Who wants to talk to Santa? Anyone? Hello?"

"Does this mean you're not mad at me anymore?"

'Listen, I obeyed more or less 25% of your commandments. Don't you think that I deserve a promotion or at least a little raise for that?'

"Excuse me, but will you be long?"

Keep your answers short and in the form of a question.

'...Santa delivers to Yorkshire first...everybody else has to wait because they're not as good.'

"A spot near the almighty!"

'It says a friend of Santa Claus lived here.'

"After this I'll just need you to remove the watermark from your soul."

'I never kiss on the first date.'

"Yes, dear, I like the idea of repeating our vows — but let's change some stuff."

' Remember Santa knows when you've been good or bad!'

Hamburger HelperSanta Helper.

'I'm negotiatin with Santa Claus the romval of my name from the bad childrens list.'

'Dear Santa, I can explain...'

Meet a Representative of Santa Claus

"It's got 160 horsepower. That's nearly 260 reindeer."