Santa's Little Joker Gifts

'I've been really good this year, Santa. I only got two ASBOs.'

Gracie goes to get cookies for Santa, but Papi has eaten them all.

Mrs. Claus has a ladies night out.

'Do I get to take an 'elfie' with Santa, too?'

"No, you definitely wouldn't get Christmas Eve off."

Santa Dog

Filming Christmas

'Ok you two, where the hell is Dancer?!'

Wait - If this is a big bag of toys, where's the big bag of dirty laundry? Worst Christmas morning ever.

Santa's Helpers

Meet Santa's entourage

"Donner and Blitzen are just our stage names."

A centipede's Christmas stockings

"I like it here but if Santa doesn't get better WiFi I'm getting a new job."

The other days of the year...

"So yes, I bit him! How was I supposed to know it was Master wearing a red fat-suit and a fake white beard?"

"Who cares what little kids think? What's important is that you believe in yourself."

"We're history, Rudolph....I tell ya, we're history."

"Will you only promise the children toys that can be brought at this store?"

'Golly, is it that time already?'

HM Prison chapel, "try to think of the lord as a 24 hour video surveillance system gathering pictures for the ultimate crimewatch"

"30 million cookies and thousands of gallons of milk all in one night? Yes, I'd say we've got dietary issues to address."

Eucharist

'First she called my mother, and then she called Santa.'

Santa Claus and the Snowman Cross Paths

And the Lord said: 'I created the universe. What on earth makes you think I'll be impressed by a dead goat?'

"All I want for Christmas is a previous little Kitty cat."

Shelf on an elf

'I'm looking for something, like, 364 days a year.'

Santa's Second Stringers.

'They think I can walk on water.'

"Of course I was speeding - how else am I going to visit billions of households in one night?!"

'Shall we dig him up, we haven't had an ice cream in over an hour?'

Child on Christmas Eve

'Let us now turn to the Gospel According to St. Matthew for today's sob story.'