Santa Connoisseur Gifts

'Dirt? You want dirt for Christmas this year?'

Santa Claus's Mail

'Looks like someone beat us to the punch.'

High security Santa's grotto

"We don't care about his nose. We won't let him play because he's not vaccinated and won't wear a mask!"

"Ernestine is trying to get St. Patrick to change his mind."

"I prefer to talk to Mrs. Claus. She doesn't care if I'm naughty or nice."

'I swear, if he didn't always pick up the tab, I'd never go drinking with him.'

"I admire your enthusiasm, but you’re not really flying."

Santa Claus You Are Welcome.

"Anything but milk and cookies."

Atlas with the earth, says: 'So then I thought, Why not just roll the damn thing?'

'According to this, she began making wine in her laundry room 30 years ago, and now she's moved on to the garage.'

'This year I'm deliverying everything FedEx!'

'Sorry mate. Your church doesn't meet the minimum building code.'

'The Easter Bunny has started outsourcing to us.'

'Your switching to Scotch? And after I've given you the best beers of my life!'

Santa 'Freezing' Claus.

"Do you feel your eyes have changed any since your last visit?" "No. They seem to be ho, ho, ho, holding their own."

Santa CGI Effect

'How do we know the NSA hasn't hacked your naughty list?'

"Pepperoni pizza is my favorite! Ah, Billy, you little suck up!"

'You still owe me the pony from last year!'

'How do you think he stays so merry through the holidays?!'

'How long has it been shaking like a bowl full of jelly when you laugh?'

"I want a pony!"

"Naughty? Nice? It's a bit more nuanced than that..."

'There really IS a Santa!' Santa busts pets eating his milk and cookies

'Well, I'll try, but cheese seems to be the 'must have gift' this year.'

'And that,and that,and that...'

The Reindeer Strike

"For the last time… do not feed bubble gum to the reindeer!"

Hot food cafe open every day except Christmas Day.

'Somebody's got to be kidding,'

Why are you insisting on spending Christmas in hospital, Gran? I prefer the Santa here, darling.