Santa Claus Humor Fan Gifts

Mobster tries to recruit Santa as a hitman.

Claus 2.0

"Just because I can deliver toys around the world in one night, doesn't mean I understand the tax code."

"I don't believe in you!"

'Okay, time to sleep now. Switch off your nose, Rudolph'!

Yo ho ho!

St. Elmo's fired.

'So that's why I didn't get that train set? !'.

For instance, a $25 delivery charge. You'd clean up right there.

"I believe I you, Bigfoot."

'HO,HO,HO,WHY ARE YOU AFRAID OF SANTA CLAUS??!!'

"In normal circumstances a full state pension would be an automatic..."

“Stop avoiding me. I know when you are sleeping. I know when you are awake.”

"We may be in trouble. . . the prosecutions expert witness can usually tell if a defendants been good or bad!"

"So Mr. Claus, there is a Virginia!"

Screw up Assange's finances and I'm closing my accounts.

'One more thing -- My Dad says that if you bring me one more 'Alvin and the Chipmunks' tape, he'll rip off your beard and set fire to it.'

"Just put one foot directly in front of the other, sir, and walk in as straight a line as possible."

Then laughing aloud, seeming contento, he turned like a flash and was gone el viento.

"Naughty? Nice? It's a bit more nuanced than that..."

"Rudolph, call the recruitment department - I asked for 'Elvish helpers!'"

I brake for Jetliners.

Santa relaxes by Fire

To make ends meet Santa becomes an Uber driver. Miami Beach, please!

Post-Season's Greetings: 'Y'know...a month ago, everyone was all, 'Let me buy you a drink, Santa!' Now suddenly it's, 'Who's the little weirdo in the red suit?'...'

"He cares what everyone wants for Christmas except me!"

Ho! Ho! Ho! From North Pole.

Men/Women/Santa.

"Apart from your obvious qualities, what makes you think you'd make a good, 'little helper'?"

'You know how 'method' Charles is . . .'

Godzilla Auditions For Store Santa

"You only work 1 day a year. You can't call in sick!"

'Just who the heck are you to decide who's naughty or nice? Quit trying to impose your ideas of morality on everyone else!!'

For 364 days of the year Santa was a very successsful divorce lawyer.

Snif Snif.