Sanitise Skeptic Pillows

"You have to use this! It's the law!"

'In a nutshell, foods are drugged and drugs are eaten like food.'

'The cow jumped over the moon? The mouse ran up the clock? Steroids, right?'

"Running is great. Unless you compare it with not running."

"As far as I can tell, meditation is just worrying minus the content."

"I wish your temperature told the real truth about you."

'Self service.' 'How much do I tip myself?'

Boss: 'Speak up Smythe, I know you've got an opinion, I told you what it was in my email this morning!'

The first meeting.

"We also stock non-alcoholic wine" "Why?"

'And just what studies show that losing weight causes global warming?'

A person is reading another person's thoughts.

"So if I'm to understand you correctly, this 'engineered athletic footwear' with its 'extended torsion system' is also a sneaker?"

"Oh, great—here comes that crazy #@!*%! Jeff who won't shut up about conspiracy theories. How's my hair look?"

"I tried to rob a bank and failed! I tried to steal an old ladies bag and failed! So why not use as my defense, the old saying, 'You can't blame a person for trying'?"

'Lincoln Standardized Test Center - formerly Lincoln High School'

'I blame the internet.'

'You don't really want to go to this party, do you?'

"We didn't learn anything today. We had to unlearn what the substitute taught us yesterday."

"When Daddy goes by, make sure he can see how bored we are."

"I wonder if we'll still have to eat kale this summer."

"If you send these people $50 they'll tell you how to make money online."

This is not a scam. Send money and receive authentic 'This is Not A Scam' certificate."

"I can guarantee you'll lose £50 as soon as you hand over your credit card."

"I never saved for a rainy day...I grew up shopping in an enclosed mall!"

Supermarkets

Ahmadinejad in New York.

"If you're so sober, why ain't you rich?"

"Grown men! There's no such thing, Molly."

Supermarket Self Service Checkout

'He's reached his limit with Government health advice.'