Salty Humor Lover Pillows

It occurred to Norman that he was using far, far too much salt.

'Am I being too suspicious or do you think it's possible that they're crooked?'

"What's wrong, boy? Is Timmy stuck in the well? Are zombies at your doggy door? A fire? Squirrels are holding your bone hostage? My Spotify stock just tanked?..." "He thinks he's real funny."

Crap from the future.

Giant slug attacks a city

'Well, this is a first †he's got repetitive motion syndrome from eating!'

"Despite thoroughly scraping the celebrity barrel, that Orwellian nightmare Celebrity Big Brother is back on our screens again."

"That's our new church mascot."

The Monroe Doctrine

"Ah...summer...and umbrellas as far as you can see...it reminds me of England!"

Honest Voting Stickers

"The way you look at me, Craig... you really see me."

'Henry was an undecided voter four years ago when he entered that voting booth, and I'm still waiting for him to decide and come home.'

How About Serving Us For a Change

'Cut down on sodium? I'm taking that with a pinch of salt.'

'No, you weren't there. But in your expert opinion as a certified brainiac, do you think he did it?'

Before disposing of useless information please make file copies.

Think tanks.

Evil Henchman Gets a Promotion.

'So, ten thousand pounds could be yours if you call in and answer this question...Why the hell aren't you in bed?!'

National Liberty and Tax Codes.

Our large economy size packet hasn't been selling...it's too big to carry home.

Suggestions and Cheap Shots.

"Bad news. Our heads aren't lightbulbs."

"It's not so much a minivan as it is a hearse for our youth."

Police Lineup Escape

'For donating half my property to the poor, I'll get the 'Unselfish Millionaire of the Year' medal and a supporting receipt for my allowable expenses!'

"Six hundred Starbucks closing? Really? Is that on the East Side or West Side?"

'Escape?...Why?'

Euro Collapse

Traders joining Wall Street protests

"Welcome to Alabama. Pro-life at birth; not so much after that."