Sales Tactics Analyst T-Shirts

'I appeared to start selling more when I stopped appearing to sell.'

'I vote we hang the darn thing upside down and go home!'

"Now that I have everyone's attention..."

"Great! We're still going up! Chop a hole in the ceiling!"

"Jill Hamster's entrepreneurial disaster"

Sales.

'We have to go global since nobody around here will buy our product.'

'I understand this was the day you seized, Ferguson?'

Sales Chart: Boomerangs LTD

Gerald Ratner's return

Good morning, Boss. What're you going to do about it, Park? Are you just going to complain, or are you going to come up with an actionable plan. Complainers never do, Park, and doers never complain. I wasn't actually complaining. Our patrons buy 65% less cocoa on sunny days.

"These are magic beans, my boy. Their value comes from growth and scale, not revenue."

'Alternatively you can just focus on the CUSTOMER!'

Competitior Sales - "Now I come to the feel good factor"

'One thing is certain. It's not just a seasonal slump.'

"At bonus time, just don't forget where you get your intellectual property."

What if retail stores behaved like websites?

Entertainment systems

'If you don't pay us, I'll tell all your creditors you have.'

'Hank here brings 10 years of top sales experience to our company so let's all try to make him feel welcome while he makes you all look bad...'

"Today we welcome back an old friend."

What's your contingency plan, Randy? My what? If a calamity of biblical proportions were to strike here in Canardville, would you flee across the bridge to Candorville? Or would you search in vain for a fallout-resistant bunker, before surrendering to the cruel inevitability of your demise? I ask just for the sake of discussion. No reason to panic. Totally unrelated: I just found out someone who's definitely not me is selling fallout bunkers at buy-this-now-if-you-want-to-live.com. Very bad man.

"Okay, let me come at this question a different way: Does anybody here actually know how to sell anything?"

'Rabner is tops in customer retention.'

Sinking sales

"I suppose that's what happens when 'putting customers first' comes second!"

'Our sales have been uneven but our company has heart.'

'I think I know what the problem is!'

Phone solicitors like customers who are afraid to hang up.

Yo-Yo Sales

The company's marketing strategy became increasingly sophisticated.

Sales - We could try a 'free offer' but it would cost us.

I was hoping you might convince him by demonstrating the quality of the product.

'I know it's the truth, but on this promo for our site, do you think we should use the promo code 'desperation?''

Sales Research shows it's too big for them to carry home, sir.