Sales Associate T-Shirts

"O.K., but let's say you have up to six hundred intruders per minute."

Sign reads: Customer service - Ring bell to be noticed.

'What seems to be the problem?'

'I need a good concealer. I've got a lot of emotional leakage.'

"Yeah, but the 'Made In China' labels are made in America."

"Not much in the way of loot, but we got a ton of store credit."

'Wow, this furniture store is overstocked again. And they're cutting prices again. This is like the 50th time this year.'

If not completely satisfied, loosen up a little!'

Men find this shampoo irresistible. It's called 'Gee, Your Hair Smells Like A New Car'.

Buy 1 Get 1 Free. Buy 2 You're Stupid.

Here's to all those poor souls in retail who have to work on Thanksgiving, Christmas, and New Year's so their employers can make a few crummy extra bucks..."

In the 'Waaaay Too Many Choices Mart' parking lot: 'I'll get the loose carts. You round up the fetals.'

Handbag store - "Perfect."

'I applied the instant rebate and the returning customer loyalty reward, so that comes to fifty cents.'

'What's wrong with me today? I actually served a customer...'

'What is a free gift? Aren't all gifts free?'

'These are called, 'Diet Pants.' They'll never fit, but you'll burn 250 calories trying to get into them.'

'I'd like to return this. . . this isn't going to go well, is it?'

"Denial, by Beverley."

"I'm looking for something that the recipient will be too embarrassed to regift."

"But I actually wanted something specific...!"

I applied for a bell ringers job!

"Hey! It's rude to finish other people's sentences!"

Your call is important to us...

Black Friday

Computer Mice Pinned Up on Wall.

'I want to cash this gift certificate. I'll never use it.'

'That's it then - I'll take the slinky high-heeled cocktail number in a 5 and the everyday workshoe in a 7...'

The pump is extra.

'There's supposed to be 56 million bubbles in a bottle of Champagne -- I only counted 54, 325,775.'

'Customer' being hugged and kissed by a 'Pet Products' truck

'This has been our most successful closing down sale ever.'

'...and what makes you think you possess the right qualifications for the Santa job in this store?'

Welcome to Hartland: Spend All Your Money and Leave

Salesman.