Sales Analyst Gifts

'We're considering eliminating the 'Too Hot' and 'Too Cold' product lines...'

Yo-Yo Sales

Sales Research shows it's too big for them to carry home, sir.

"And now, with the projected sales figures..."

"I have been much more successfulsince I started measuring my success in numbers of Facebook friends."

We're going to have to think outside the box to boost sales, minion. Oh no. I've spent the last 72 hours analyzing our customer base. Our granola and kale latte helped us capture the hipster demo once we bundled it with cigarettes and vinyl records. Our caffeine-infused mocha helped us capture the white-collar set once we bundled it with motivational recordings. But there's one demographic we still haven't monopolized. First-time parents of toddlers. How proficient are you at potty training? I q

'What have I done? I sent an e-mail to the boss outlining a profound change in the way we run sales analysis. Now I may find myself replaced by a spreadsheet.'

What if retail stores behaved like websites?

'I wouldn't say this wine's name is long, but it's continued on the bottle next to it.'

The Anti-Agent

Killer Executive Suits.

Man to realtor: 'How much for a starter cubicle?'

'That's it then - I'll take the slinky high-heeled cocktail number in a 5 and the everyday workshoe in a 7...'

Men find this shampoo irresistible. It's called 'Gee, Your Hair Smells Like A New Car'.

'I vote we hang the darn thing upside down and go home!'

"Now that I have everyone's attention..."

Sale on the same stuff as last week.

"Great! We're still going up! Chop a hole in the ceiling!"

'To most people, 1984 is just a novel; around here it's our instruction manual.'

Handbag store - "Perfect."

"Jill Hamster's entrepreneurial disaster"

Olivia just hacked into the boy scouts' site and sold them 30,000 boxes of cookies.

Cut Price

"I want something that will make Richard Burton sit up and take notice."

Mighty Man Of Justice Goes Christmas Shopping Part 1

"Just give me your wallet. Trust me, you do not want to deal with my misplaced sense of entitlement."

'If by 'great', you mean 'terrible', then yes, we have plenty of great beers for under $4.00 a six-pack.'

'Which sounds better: 'now with MORE XZ100' or 'now with LESS XZ100'?'

'Now that everyone's street is online, we're mapping interiors.'

"On a positive note, he's not our boss. He's the guy who stole our boss's identity."

'Rozlyn, that blouse is very cute! I think you should get it.'

'Sorry sir,but we can't just take your word that the boots leak'

"Check the setting. I'm sure the CIA isn't hacking into our appliances just to burn your toast."

"It's black, but it's not New York black."

'Wouldn't it be cheaper to apologise to the Middle East?'