Sale Strategist Pillows

I'm sorry - could you run that past me again?

'And remember, no layaways, personal checks or terrorizing the villagers.'

Larry's used art

'I vote we hang the darn thing upside down and go home!'

"Now that I have everyone's attention..."

"Great! We're still going up! Chop a hole in the ceiling!"

"It was terrifying experience being faced with that kind of compulsive, insane behaviour...I tell you it's positively the last time I put foot in the sales!"

"Jill Hamster's entrepreneurial disaster"

'Okay...3.5 billion in stock, 2.5 billion in cash, 80 million in deferred compensation, my own private jet, a luxury car lease for the next ten years, 3 club memberships and...

Sales.

'We have to go global since nobody around here will buy our product.'

'I understand this was the day you seized, Ferguson?'

'Maybe we need new profit charts?'

Brick Salesman

Gerald Ratner's return

"Post holiday sales look similar to the crater that killed the dinosaurs."

Sales Chart: Boomerangs LTD

Good morning, Boss. What're you going to do about it, Park? Are you just going to complain, or are you going to come up with an actionable plan. Complainers never do, Park, and doers never complain. I wasn't actually complaining. Our patrons buy 65% less cocoa on sunny days.

'Now think, Harris, what did you do different on that day?'

'Alternatively you can just focus on the CUSTOMER!'

'One thing is certain. It's not just a seasonal slump.'

'So far we're holding off overseas competition.'

Competitior Sales - "Now I come to the feel good factor"

'Jones, somewhere out there, we've lost our common sense. I want you to go and bring it back.'

What's your contingency plan, Randy? My what? If a calamity of biblical proportions were to strike here in Canardville, would you flee across the bridge to Candorville? Or would you search in vain for a fallout-resistant bunker, before surrendering to the cruel inevitability of your demise? I ask just for the sake of discussion. No reason to panic. Totally unrelated: I just found out someone who's definitely not me is selling fallout bunkers at buy-this-now-if-you-want-to-live.com. Very bad man.

"At bonus time, just don't forget where you get your intellectual property."

'Well Miss Hayward, your suggestion of trying Feng Shui didn't work.'

'If you don't pay us, I'll tell all your creditors you have.'

"That's a new side effect of our mission to keep things together."

Entertainment systems

'Hank here brings 10 years of top sales experience to our company so let's all try to make him feel welcome while he makes you all look bad...'

"Today we welcome back an old friend."

Sinking sales

"Okay, let me come at this question a different way: Does anybody here actually know how to sell anything?"

'Rabner is tops in customer retention.'