Salary Savant Gifts

'I'd love to pay you what you're worth Simpson, but I'm tied by the minimum wage now.'

"The bowling ball represents what you want to be paid, while the mini-pea represents what I think you're worth."

And what's really cool is they pay peanuts!

"I never ask for a raise any more. I just hack into the boss's computer and give myself one."

'To be honest, I did expect a better bonus this year.'

Every payday was the same, Dave's family worshipped him.

I've seen your salary requirements, now I'll tell you your market price.

'We need to discuss your disposable income.'

Businessmen trying to prop up a line-chart with sticks

'Well, now that I know he's the owner's son, yes, he's the best damned wine steward I've ever seen.'

'Looks like your cash cow just got diverted to the slaughterhouse.'

It's okay Mom! As a broker, I'm under supervision of the SEC!

Happy Surrogate Thanksgiving

"Forget the allowance - I need a benefactor!"

Fred interpreted the word compact as a verb, not as an adjective.

"Up market, down market - he's still the same old curmudgeon."

"Ultimately, we realized we share too many app subscriptions not to make it work."

'We need people who dream the impossible dreams - like pensions and health care.'

"In an unexpected development, the market behaved rationally today."

"So we've managed to consolidate all our multinational 24 hour hotline support centres down to one Single Point of Contact... and here he is."

'That's where they keep all the money I don't have anymore.'

RRSP once stood for Registered Retirement Savings Plan, now stands for Really, Really Small Potatoes!

"I'm Todd, your waiter, and I'd like you to think our friendship is more than contextual."

'I think it's time to reboot your fiscal compass.'

'Console 3GMEGA3D plus 3K+SUPERAUDIO USB 35,000.000 MGB...'

"When you have my schedule, you need large sticky notes."

A statue of a businessman in a park with an inscription that reads "Outperformed the market".

'Today, stocks rose on the news that the more people have, the more they want.'

"I'd love to sit down and discuss my project with you some time. Let me check my calendar and I'll get back to you."

'No doubt about it, John, zero does represent a critical support level for this stock.'

'Lost Diary'

Company Share Price - "The god news is we've become a very attractive takeover target, sir."

'While your word is your bond, at this point it's a junk bond.'

'Now might be a good time to interject the GOOD news to the stockholders!'

Man climbing line chart, planting profit flag.