Salary Satirist Gifts

'We value you in ways that cannot be expressed in money.'

'Micro payment? I've been on micro payment for years!'

'You want paid a lot, we'll pay you a little. You want to start off at the top, we'll start you off at the bottom. When can you start.'

'Work?...On my salary?'

'Of course I'm overpaid, everyone is overpaid!'

"That sweet raise everybody's been excited about is finally here. Enjoy it!"

"You look perfectly suited for managing on the pigeons have a salary that goes with the job!"

"Great work, Jackson! I'm going to raise your salary by 7 downsizings."

"My teacher said if she knew as much about teaching as everyone else, the school would't be able to afford her."

"These are the only applicants we found. I think we need to start thinking about the salaries we offer."

'Women want equal pay for equal work, so a minimum allowance law for kids can't be far behind.'

'It's a great title, but the job pays minimum wage.'

'What's your opinion on a minimum wage?' 'Fine, as long as they don't tamper with the maximum wage!'

I think, theerfore I am underpaid

"I'm aware that you brought a high-powered agent...are you aware that this job pays $26,382 and nine cents per year?"

'Here's your paycheck...some of it is for the work you do, the rest is just plain gravy.'

'I earn a 7 figure salary! Unfortunately there's a decimal in the wrong place!'

The Department of Really Stupid Ideas: 'Most people think they just appear out of thin air! But the truth is, there's a great deal of very hard work involved!'

"She's fine. She just needs some tofu."

"And just like that, e got rid of Florida."

Occu-Pie Mars

"You're fired."

'In its new 'spirit of evenhandedness,' the U. S. Government today sent troops to occupy all foreign countries....'

"I'm expert at sniffing out blame."

"'I don't want war'. . . well, wither our translation program is broke or this president has a strange kind of humor!"

They're Not Just That Into It

Torturing the English Language

We Tenatively Oppose War on Strictly Procedural Grounds

Trump pardons

UK border controls relaxed.

No-Work Orange

Vote Centrist to Keep Things Exactly as Awful as They Are

'This country is on the road to ruin.' - 'Well, it'll never get there in this traffic.'

Ghostwriting the Bible

"...And do you Sean Spicer take Kelly Anne Conway..." "The marriage of alternative facts"