Safety Protocol Ponderers Gifts

'What's fire?'

A small number of people are afraid of heights, but there is an epidemic fear of widths.

"Your assumption that a one in a million chance event MUST be a miracle shows you drastically underestimate the total number of regularly occurring events."

"Does anyone know where we keep the unwritten rules?"

European Union Health and Safety Direcorate rules

"Get another opinion if you wish, Mr. Von Flip...But I'm confident it will still come up ' heads - we operate.'"

'There must be some way we can capitalize on that damn boson.'

Decontamination

Buck Naked

"The first thing we should do is get you two into a good mutual fund. Let me get out the 'Magic 8 Ball' and we'll fun some options."

Bizarre sequence of computer-generated random numbers

'What's the chance of getting a latte around here?'

"Woah - random!"

'Today's Odds' sign above a copier showing various odds for machine's malfunctions

Market Research - "I'm trying to remember to pick up a loaf of bread, but there's a 38% probability that I'll forget."

Jealousy

"Caution! Now entering the margin of error."

"It started as an out-of body experience but I forgot the password to get back in."

Moses does a Life jacket demo

'In case of a sudden loss of cabin-pressure, please don the respective AFTER-LIFE costume located in the seat pocket in front of you..'

"Let's face it, you could back the wrong horse in a one-horse race!"

'Well I think we've nearly broken the back of this 'risk assessment..'

"...Now all we need is a product!"

'I quit the medication. It gave me lots of zippity, but took away my doo dah.'

'I'm just calculating the probability of my getting tenure in this university.'

'Try not to remove any of my untapped potential.'

"Yo've got to be more specific, Ed. Wake you when what's over?"

"Oi you. . . down the back. . . sit still and watch this video on the dangers of sitting still."

"It's just a precaution, we've had a few close calls lately."

'.....DOOR!'

Probability: 10,000-1, 150-1, 6-1, 2-5, 1-20, 50-1, 10,000-1.

"There's no way I'm letting them call me Princess Henry or Princess Harry!!"

'Please don't remove any of my untapped potential.'

101 Things to do while waiting for internet access

'It's like shooting fish in a barrel, except you're in Vegas and the barrel's in New York.'