Safety Policy Jokesters Gifts

'I've drawn up a health and safety policy for the company.'

Caution: Driver Watching "Hard Copy"

'Another one? Do you realize it will make the third time this month we've held a fire drill?'

Noah's life jacket demonstration

Driving on the Beach - Lifeguard on a hydraulic lift.

Safety Barriers

Mountain Climber With Pillow Padding.

"I didn't see the coffee table in the middle of the room, due to my visual impairment, caused by the rubbish light emitted by the government approved 150 watt energy saving bulb in my apartment..."

Fire door.

Fume Leaks on aeroplane - 'Perfume? Drinks? Air?'

"Ya know, that cork was there for a reason."

'Guns Galore Inc' 'Prolong your Life'

'So the guidance suggests that if anyone threatens you, throw it them.'

"I did warn you about doing that, Gorak. . ."

'Chef told me I had to have guard before I used the mixer!'

'The most important safety rule to follow when doing anything dangerous is to first find out who can sue you when you get hurt.'

'Coins, when swallowed, cause cancer. Perhaps money should be banned.'

'As a part of a cost-cutting experiment all of our safety measures will be replaced with these good luck charms.'

Health & Safety Official Tester.

Jet Turbine Testing Area

"Safe? Of course it's safe! I do fireworks every year!"

"I said, you have to be active in your own rescue!"

'I baked it especially for you.'

Danger: Reading warning signs costs lives.

Security at the Smaller Airports

"What makes you think we have to contact OSHA?"

'Oh no, he's only the Health and Safety Officer.'

Athlete

Living life dangerously 2010.

'I'm bored, what can I do?' 'Go and play with your Junior Bomb Disposal kit.'

Department of Health and Safety: Knock (but not too loudly or you may suffer knuckle bruising) And Enter (Beware of tripping over the fireproof carpet).

Toad roadkill.

'They say these vans are unsafe when fully loaded, so we're only going to allow 50 of you in at a time.'

"Okay scouts, that ends today's online soldering session!"

Acme Candles - In case of fire, break glass.