Safety First Squad Gifts

'I'm a doctor... This man needs someone who can grant me immunity from liability, and fast.'

'I guess my brain just started to really care about itself.'

'I'm afraid that serves you right for not wearing your safety goggles!'

"Did you bring any protection with you?"

Reasonableman

'Mum...Dad's barbecued his face again.'

TV chef sets the TV on fire.

The Dangers of Not Getting Enough Sleep...

'We don't want to risk having any injuries during spring training.'

"How would you rate your toleration for risk?"

"Here comes the super-visor."

'For no particular reason I want to know the location of our fire extinguisher.'

"Pity that 'on' button's a bit of a stretch."

"Peter quickly learns the limitations of his new hamster ball."

'In the few remaining minutes of the lesson I can't do better than to show you how to fill an accident form.'

"Ouch!... That hand sanitiser is a bit feisty..."

Contagious Diseases.

'Never shoot straight up.'

Dept of Health and Safety founder was accident victim.

"Now just hold on a minute, fellers. This thing doesn't look to be very safe at all."

'He swallowed a warning label!'

"...this one has even a little emergency phone to ring the hospital if you cut yourself."

'I'm on beach-patrol today: It's sunscreen in there...'

"If we hire you, Sanders, you'll find that when it comes to security, we don't fool around."

'Next time you lose your keys, please call a locksmith instead of blowtorching the door.'

'Never thought I'd see you again - you really must have nine lives.'

Barber has strapped boy in barber chair with a safety belt.

I just don't trust those self-flying brooms yet.

"To play it safe, I've stopped shaking hands and hugging."

Man wearing bullet proof vest to protect himself against pool players

Passengers flee a Boeing aircraft.

"Mom is an ER nurse."

'It's the law. Everybody wears seat belts.'

'Are you crazy! The nest is made of dry grass and twigs: Smoking is a massive fire harzard!'

The phrase "pushing the envelop" came into common usage after Tom Wolfe used it in his book "The Right Stuff." We was describing test pilots with exceptional courage who were expanding the limits of flight. Ernie wants to become a test pilot and people ask me if he has the right stuff. Unfortunately, his level of courage can best be described by saying ... Ernie is unable to push the envelope because he's terrified of getting a paper-cut!