Safety Advice Gifts

My mom told me never accept gifts from strange men --- I guess I can forget about a career in politics.

A young Don King

You Are Here

Pool attached to child's bed.

Clyde thought “Atomic Sparklers” was just an ad gimmick

"I'm going to need a little more for the root cause than, who'da thunk."

"And you're certain these are accidents?"

Unpopular Street Signs: Road Work Behind, Speed Jump Ahead, Good Luck, Slow Distracted Adults.

Man using to much bug spray

"Chaplain, the lord should put warning labels on some of his creations."

'Dewey! Grandpa's stuck again. Give him a couple of whacks upside the head.'

"This is a neighbourhood vigilante area."

'I guess my brain just started to really care about itself.'

'Hon? Did your phone go dead? Hello?'

Breaking News: Earth Crosses Multiple Lanes, Crashes into Sun... Distracted Orbiting to Blame.

"Jimmy, I want you to meet our new safety officer."

Kangaroo mom to child, 'We're not going anywhere until you buckle-up, young man.'

"It's not the first time he'd been warned about wearing a long tie when leaning over the shredder."

'I'm afraid that serves you right for not wearing your safety goggles!'

On the brink.

No Immediate Danger

"Did you bring any protection with you?"

Baby on board.

'Well, you got the dog to protect you against criminals. Perhaps now you'll have to hire a criminal to protect you from the dog.'

"Could you all please pay attention while I go through the emergency procedure. . ."

Caution: Driver Watching "Hard Copy"

Two people in hazmat suits lie in bed

Beware of Falling Notice.

"They retired me. Just like that. Seems I'm no good over 55 mph anymore." "How does that make you feel?" "Like I want to bash my head against a wall!"

"Why don't you start with tennis balls?!"

'It was going well - until his power suit short-circuited.'

"I've had it with the helmet mandates."

Noah's life jacket demonstration

'No, this metal stress can't be fixed with liberal doses of antidepressants.'

'I'm lost, did you happen to see a lady without a boy like me ?'