Safe Shopper Pillows

'Oh my gosh!!! What are you doing giving out our credit card information online?!!!'

Sale on the same stuff as last week.

"Most of these pelts were suicides."

"Sorry sir - the self-propelling pencils have all just walked out..."

All Natural Nothing

I thought you said Megson couldn't be bought.

"The only thing that's not gone up is the pound."

"Everything's gone up."

"The Box is bigger, the contents smaller, increased the price and called it improved."

Diets: Sweets and Biscuits.

STRIP Hambone: Expensive repair job

Supermarket Aisles: 'Good for the Environment' and 'Couldn't give a flying F@$#! about the environment!'

'It's amazing! I'm a magician! I can make a weekly wage disappear in four hours!'

We Never Look at Prices Shop.

'So the prince and princess lowered their expectations became savvy consumers, then they lived reasonably contented forever after.'

Man in radiation suit with 'Fresh Farm Produce'.

'Could you tell me where the organic locally-grown vine-ripened union-picked kiwis are?'

Pets: This animal has not been tested on products.

"I often think of the 'Hereafter'. When I'm shopping I'm always asking myself 'What am I here after?'"

"You want to go shopping in Lisbon? Honey, give me 10 seconds to sign the order to invade Portugal!"

Fashion Mistake.

"Do you carry any shampoos that have been tested on little kittens?"

"Your chocolate biscuits and cakes are getting smaller - and where's your sweets aisle?"

"I'm looking for something that the recipient will be too embarrassed to regift."

'And don't forget the eggs dear'

Discount Shopping.

"Oh no. It's another death caused by 'economy pack syndrome'!"

At last! We've found their elusive burial grounds!

"Most of it is the same, but if you look here you'll see that the price is twice as big"

"Hey, buddy. I seeka da mayo."

"Here's a bunch of money. We need you to save America...as we know it."

Stuff you need once then leave at the back of the cupboard to fester

'Going into business sale' at a jeweler's.

"Sure, organic free-range poultry is more expensive, but consider all the guilt you're saving."