Saddle Up Superstar Gifts

'Don't you just love that new horse smell?'

The dumpster code - find something, leave something.

"It appears that you'll definitely outlive your usefulness."

The team video didn't spotlight my talents. I've hired my own film crew. They'll showcase my skills so college recruiters can see my strengths. Wow! How can the director pack so much into one little video? Great point! Daddy? Tell Steven Spielberg we're going feature length. Nice save!

'Apparently it's part of the evolutionary process!'

"I don't bake, I don't cook, but I make one kick-ass vinaigrette."

Cooking

If you're looking for a good time, you'll find it; if you can't find it, it will find you....

Open Mike for the spotlight operators

"So your agent doesn't like your lawyer, and your PlR. people don't like your manager. They all like you."

Updated Opera: The Hairstylist of Seville.

Staycation Photos

'Hey, Birdbrain, does the word ozone mean anything to you?'

Cleaning the Horse

"Is there a spin doctor in the house?"

Hair Style Menu

"According to my weather app, we only have to wait here for another 6 weeks for snow."

'Yes, doctor, I sang to her constantly as a baby. Her first words were ‘Gimme Ipod'.'

'It's nice that you've learned to tie your shoes, but you're really too young to quit while you're ahead.'

'I like doing shampoos, it gets your hands clean.'

Old McDonald bed & breakfast...NO EIEIOing after 10PM.

Man sledging on his stomach.

"It's nice being in front but I'm sad I don't get a butt to sniff."

'It's for show and tell!'

Seemed like winter would never end.

'I love that new horse smell.'

I rented a car from Hertz the other day, and there was a camera in it. Really? Someone forgot their camera? No, I mean in the dashboard. There was a little camera pointed at me. I have no idea who or what was watching me. Maybe it was Hertz. Maybe it was the NSA. Maybe it was for American Idol auditions. To cover all my bases, I sang the Star-Spangled Banner the whole drive. I'm never renting from Hertz again.

"You always seem to get good grades in Show and Tell."

Cowboy on barstool with stirrups.

Snot-Freezing Cold Grips the North Country...

Sit ups.

'Getting old isn't so bad when you consider the only other alternative. . .'

'Amazing! 140 decibels as he hits the surface! That puts him easily into first!'

"Ladies and gentlemen...closing time. Or should Just say 'last call'?"

'This 'once-upon-a-time...' Was it yesterday, this morning, a hundred years ago, or what?'