Ruthless Rival Pillows

"Hank brings five years of top sales experience to our team so lets try to make him feel welcome as he makes you all look bad."

'Dogs are so silly: Just throw a ball or a stick and they'll chase it and bring it back!'

'Just a word of advice ... He's a Saints' fan.'

"I'm weighed down with so many gadgets, I'll need a push to start me off."

'Big sale at the Dog Store. Buy 1, get 2 free.'

Your enemy is defeated by Fate

"So what's this special distracting tactic you've developed?"

'Oh yeah, your dad might be on 4-1 in this afternoon's race, but mine is on 3-1!'

The Uncle Vinnie Insomnia Open

"You say that I love the Liverpool football team more than I love you?...."

"I'm sorry your team lost - perhaps you should have rooted for the other team."

Cat taunts dog at intersection.

"Sorry, Man! I had no idea Alexa would be here!"

'The rivalry at the pony club is getting out of hand.'

'I hate these non-hostile takeovers...'

'Our competition is quite energetic.'

'What're you doing, kid? You keep spoiling my surprise!'

'Knock it off, you two. This is why I hate double dating.'

Baseball Angels

"I never got a chance to say 'Shut up.' "

'Friends are important...but you need enemies to keep your edge.'

Go Favre

Leaf Blower Showdown.

"It's not enough that I succeed. My friends must also be drawn and quartered."

Boss, the customers can hear you cackling maniacally. I've topped myself, minion. It's not enough to run ads that tout our own excellence; we have to simultaneously tear down the competition. Behold my masterpiece. "100 percent of those who drink Coffee King's coffee will die." Best part is it's technically true.

"Oh, Jeez! A pube in my tea! How the heck did that get there?"

"Sorry, Hogg is no longer with the firm."

Therapist wearing a Yankees' cap talks with an upset patient wearing a Mets cap.

Special Euro 2020 Menu: Humble Pie

'Oi! Take your eyes off 'im - he's my bitch!'

"When you're finished not looking at here, can you divert your non-attention to me?"

Liverpool FC Chairman - "It's Man United, they want to know if we've any trophy cabinets going spare."

Oxford-Cambridge Boat Race, 1870 - Crews before Boarding

'Polevault envy'.

"That settles it, John! We're getting this bike a tune-up!"