Rustic Recipe Seeker T-Shirts

'To authenticate this recipe, first purchase a Soil Association accredited small holding in an unspoilt and exclusive locale, steadily add copious illustrated puff pieces to the nation press and plug. . .'

"Yo - I'm way overdone in here!"

"Lori, out here it's my kitchen!"

"I've combined a laxative and alphabet soup. I call it 'Letter Rip!'"

'Thank you so much, but I just followed the directions in the cookbook.'

Recipes from The Lying Gourmet

Culinary Breakthroughs During Social Distancing

"It's been redacted to produce our sauces."

'Believe me, you don't want to know what's in it.'

Witches of Instagram

'I never knew baking was such a violent activity. You have to beat the eggs, whip the cream, and mash the nuts.'

Blog Breakdown

The Near Outback: Lenny and Samantha

"Tastes great, less killing!"

"If you're such an expert, you cook the lobster next time."

"Well, there's your problem right there -- you need to sauté the onions in white wine before adding the ginger."

"Wait a minute- these are just the ten commandments of perfect mashed potatoes."

'I've heard of cooking the books... but how did you rotisserie them and why?'

Never use a cookbook written by a mystery book author. You never know how things will turn out!

"You betrayed her trust. You added spices to her soup. In Tia Carmen's eyes, you are an irresponsible youngster...and I don't blame her for doing this."

"My compliments to Mummy!"

'Eggs, I'm cooking eggs!'

'My secret is putting the toil in first and adding the trouble just as it comes to a boil.'

Stand back - while I whip something up

Rat Hair: Peanut Butter Ingredient.

"Bingo, it's the hippy lady again! She always throws something interesting: last week it was honey-beer bread..."

'I can't make dinner right now - I'm installing new software.'

Garlic, the wonderful stinking rose.

"Do you like eye of newt in your Mac 'n' Cheese?"

Recipes.

Country life

"It's Brooklyn clam chowder - you got a problem with that?"

"My trick for enjoying kale? I put in blueberries, a banana, a scoop of vanilla ice cream and ice. Then I throw the kale in the trash and blend."

"The manna tastes okay, but I'd feel better if I had a list of ingredients."

"Well, if you haven't seen him, do you know a good recipe for puff pastry?"