Rustic Epicure Gifts

"I ain't particular, but are you sure a '71 claret is the right choice for these here beans?"

The wonderful world of cheese.

The Origins of Everything

Recipes from The Lying Gourmet

Wendy likes horses...and she is a keen cook.

'You're lucky there, Sir. That's the last one in the world.'

"Hickory smoke—that's what gives it that hearty Western flavor."

"May I recommend our Seared Filet with Lobster Cream Sauce? It's very photogenic."

'Leeks can disappoint you and garlic will break your heart, but only onions make you cry.'

"You may not know this, but I've become quite the wine expert."

Waiter: 'Your Tossed salad Ma'am.'

"It's the Chef Surprise."

"Don't hold back on the toad legs now - I'm through with Nouvelle Cuisine!"

'Frank, it's water.'

'If that is a toenail, it is a French toenail.'

'How many Breadsticks have you eaten?'

The four basic food groups: Dry, Moist, Biscuit, Bone.

"Well, I don't care if it is some kind of fancy-schmancy restaurant...if I want ketchup, I'm gonna get ketchup!"

'My doctor said I'm digging my own grave with a spoon and fork. It'll take longer if I use only a fork.'

"Putting a steak, chicken wings and potato chips on a salad kind of negates the eating healthy concept."

'I'll leave it entirely to you...as long as it's a red...for exactly $20...from Napa...made from Merlot...2006 vintage...'

"Not just a wheel, Trog, but a wheel of aged Parmigiano Reggiano!"

"Best served at street temperature, delicious served with dustbin chipsor gutter squashed, half eaten kebab..."

Treat at the Colinderies.

"I don't know about your oil, but the goulash you're cooking in your crankcase looks done."

"Excuse me for a moment. I have to go and refinance this dinner bill."

'You've really outdone yourself this time, dear! That was the best dirt I've eaten in a long time!'

"I can't hurry when ordering. There's a lot of ecological geopolitics involved here."