Rustic Charm Lovers Gifts

"Take this, Luke. They say it's impossible to get a decent baguette west of the Pecos."

Lockdown had left Nigel desperate for a haircut.

'We like the occasional drink on the patio.'

Country Bumpkin.

Falstaff

'When I met him he was all bright and shiny - now he's a rust bucket.'

"Stick with me baby, and you'll eat slop every day."

Opening the Barrel

"I learned ridin', I learned cowpokin' and I learned how to eat and sleep under the stars. But, dag nab it, I never learned any geology."

"Call Harris back from retirement and ask him how we did things around here before computers."

"Take my hand, my love, and come with me to the cabin, where we can explore each other's naked bodies for ticks."

'Oh, I plow the fields, Greta takes care of the house, and young Johan, here, maintains the website.'

'Hey! Make sure those boots are muddy before you set foot in here,mister! Took me all morning to get this place filthy!'

The Near Outback: Lenny and Samantha

Old-fashioned computer

'Did you hear? We have a new slogan: Artisan-crafted wine made the old-world way.'

Caveman applying wallpaper cave paintings

The Lumberjack and the Yule Log

"I've decided to replace the sod floor with tile."

"Your being boring, stuffy and predictable is part of your charm."

Olive Tree

It was owned by a little old lady who could make a decision faster than you.

"I'm tired of having to apologize for the condition of the house."

Person Reading For Pleasure

'Joe makes all our own funiture!'

Fill idle hours by making your own rustic seat...use it when you want to relax.

'You seem to be suffering from frontier mentality...'

"It's nice to know I've still got it."

"You're the one who wanted to go someplace off the beaten track - you ask him what's gluten free."

"Son, you're old enough now to whittle your own condom."

"It takes years before some people are comfortable enough to say hello."

'You travelled 6,000 miles to find Chateau Grande Magnifique? Buddy, you're looking at it.'

Victorian bachelors leering over woman.

'This is a no-frills bar, pal -- You bring your OWN napkins!'

Adult filmstrips