Running Errands Gifts

'Can I get you anything, sir? Coffee, newspaper, shoemaker...?'

A paperwork machine spews endless paperwork

'Had I known Hell was going to be exactly like work, I probably wouldn''t have spent as much time there.'

'He works out aggression by bayoneting the leaves.'

He kept pretending he was going to work when he was just running errands.

God's Sticky Notes

'Sorting the laundry is hell.'

"Harold! Don't forget to get the eggs!"

"When you said, 'Let's go out for dinner,' I thought you meant foraging. This is much better!"

'Smoking or non-smoking?'

'I hope you don't mind, dear — I got my ears pierced.'

"Dear, will you sprint down to the store and get a box of wheat germ and a pint of yoghurt?"

'Can I start you off with a nice soup bone?'

Labradoodle/Labradon't-le

'A table for two?'

"Iron Man! Thank heaven you’ve come!"

"One of you boys go help Mom with the groceries."

'I'll take the rest of this in a doggy bag.'

"Lemme guess: You forgot the basil Mom asked for, and my ice cream is in your briefcase?"

There's so many things I should be doing that when I procrastinate, I'm multitasking.

'Honey, I just ran into the store. Did you need me to pick anything up while I'm here?'

"This is why I hate bringing you shopping."

"Garlic Bread?"

"Well, I don't think it is your constitutional right to interrupt my dinner with a sales call."

"Fly over to the Grand Union and bring back the produce manager's tongue."

'Samaritans, mission control'

'If at first you don't succeed, dry, dry again.'

Policeman wishing for lighter food than meat in hot weather

'Put it on my 'to do' list...'

"Here, this might fit."

'I still don't know how you got a booking here Bryan.'

"It was dry cleaned when I picked it up."

"We go on daily walks too, but my master is a creature of habit: we take exactly the same route every single time..."

'I'm going downtown -- can I swipe you anything?'

'Oh, come on! you know I can't read.'