Rug Collector T-Shirts

Brian fails a random rug test!

Bug lost on rug.

"Excuse me man, but I'm a bug and this rug isn't even remotely snug."

'Oh, how utterly romantic! A hunter rug in front of the fireplace!'

Flea Exodus

'Sometimes I worry that I basically wasted my 2's.'

"These are the very weapons your mother and I used in our famous duel."

Handbag store - "Perfect."

'It's genuine 17th century satsuma - and the pair would have been worth ?14,000.'

"I shop, therefore I am."

'Heirloom Tiffany Lamp Delivery. I Brake for Everything.'

"I've decided to make myself another cup of coffee!"

His cubicle had come to be known as 'Teddy Bear Heaven'.

'... Going once...going twice...aaaand--sold! To the gentleman in the front row for a thousand words.'

'...So you claim this is genuine Rembrandt?'

Utility Chic.

"Twenty-five thousand, do I hear thirty thousand? Let me remind you all - this is the last Thin Mint cookie in the sleeve..."

"Another round?"

Buy Back the Junk We Bought at Your Garage Sale

"Fetch, Ernie, fetch!"

This is not what I had in mind when I joined the Council!

"I'm sorry, I can't assist with this request."

'Oh Elias! It's simply the cutest bear rug I ever did see!'

"It's a flip phone. I guess we can document this as an ancient, archaeological discovery."

'I found this copy of 'Atlas Shrugged' under his mattress!'

'Put down the coffee mug. I forget what you look like.'

"Most of my consumerism is self-taught."

"I wonder what this was for."

'One day son, all this will be collected.'

"Keep your guard up. We're entering big-cat country."

'How old is this vase?'

'Your entire library consists of nothing but tabloids bound in Corinthian leather?'

"I just got a Trump alert with my discount code off my next purchase of Trump baseball caps."

Day 4 of self-isolation and the strain was showing.

"This isn't for me - it's for the economy."