Rude Boy Enthusiast Pillows

"Don't call me ska face!"

"I'm still looking for the lap of luxury."

Pet Cemetery.

A man at a cocktail party wears a nametag that reads "Trouble".

'My dog is terrified of strangers. would you be a dear and wear this outfit while you're working here?'

"You had me at hell."

'Ah, it seems that I've completely misjudged the mood of the evening.'

In a stock brokers, the lift buttons for up and down have bulls and bears on them.

Looks like this is the only contest Fluffy has a chance of winning today!

"Why do I always choose 'The Bad Boy'?"

"The carpet really brings the room together."

"Riddle your salad with pepper, sir?"

'You think you can purr your way out of anything, don't you?'

"The cat's sleeping." "She's so comfy." "If I move I'll wake her up." "The phone is ringing... They'll call back later." "I'm hungry... But it'll pass." "Just gotta wait 'till she wakes up."

'Sometimes I think I spoil you Tiddles!'

"I'm not going into college today, I don't feel enough sense of outrage."

"Thank you for not taking our customer satisfaction surney at the end this call. Now I can be rude to you with impunity."

Friendly Troll.

"Oh, yes, he's bad. But in a good way."

Cat DNA is decoded.

'Remind me, what should I be thanking my lucky stars for?'

"I guess I go for the bad boys."

Bring it on, Scrabble nerd! Want to tell him directly? What do you mean? There's a chat function so you can taunt other online Scrabble players. Just type in your insult and hit send. Have I died and gone to heaven? The internet. And I suspect it's met its match.

"I'm just seeing if there's anything to be outraged at."

"The Three Billy Goats Gruff and Fred M. Smith, Chief Fraud Investigator, Department of Transportation, Roads and Bridges... THAT'S who's crossing this bridge."

'I know a trap when I see one.'

"Mr. Stephenson is the subject of a widely anticipated obituary."

The art of regifting

"Sure, I may shed too much...I'm not always a 'cool cat'...dirt gets tuck in my whiskers... and I don't kill my prey right away...but if someone can see past all that to my warm, loving core...they're probably close enough to scratch."

"Ha ha. Stop by and say hello to your mother. Ha ha, that's a good one!"

"Isn't that cute? She bought herself a little stool to sit on and watch us shred her chairs!"

Cow Piercing.

'Hi! You must be an absurdist - or are you just absurd?'

You look like my kind of man.

'Why are you so rude?'