Insult Enthusiast Pillows

"Hit us with your best derogatory insult. We need to test out our new medication."

"On a more positive note the guidance we’ve published on the services we can’t provide is published in 37 different languages."

"And just like that, e got rid of Florida."

"In the first place, it isn't "maddening crowd.' It's 'madding crowd.' "

"We need to make some cuts. We'll start with integrity, accountability, openness, and transparency."

'The History Channel is all reruns.'

"And when the canyon fills up, that's it; herd immunity."

"Now, how can I be of assistance?"

'According to our statistics department, 78.93 of the statistics they produce are worthless.'

Life is for the birds.

Three gates of hell: marriage counseling, investments, company meetings

'I've decided to step down as your CEO in order to spend more time in jail...'

"So then, after I'd invented my time machine, I thought: why not go back and visit the good old days?"

"If we only used bigger clubs we would defeat our enemies every time, and we would dominate them forever!"

reincarnated worm...

The height of fashion in 1796

Baby's first thought...Daddy's a moron.

Needed Inventions: An Airbag To Protect The Viewer Against A Really Lousy Program.

"It says 'break glass' but it doesn't say what glass!'

Don't swallow. I've lost a contact.

"We don't care about his nose. We won't let him play because he's not vaccinated and won't wear a mask!"

'The meek shall inherit the Earth!'

"Let's say you've always wanted to make someone a mixtape to show them how much you care about them. What's the best order? Do you start with songs about how rich you are before moving on to the songs about love? Or vice versa?. . .What order would best simulate sincerity?"

"I don't like the looks of that!"

"Really? They're now giving out non-participation trophies?"

Unpopular Street Signs: Road Work Behind, Speed Jump Ahead, Good Luck, Slow Distracted Adults.

'Dang it, I just washed this street. Boy, every time...'

"Well, look at the bright side, Timmy — you're 100 percent wrong."