Insult Enthusiast T-Shirts

"Hit us with your best derogatory insult. We need to test out our new medication."

"On a more positive note the guidance we’ve published on the services we can’t provide is published in 37 different languages."

Enhanced Pedophilia Interrogation Techniques

Sen. Krupt. I don't tell constituents that we're fueling inflation. I say we're protecting consumers and thanks to us they won't have to worry about buying any cheap stuff.

"And just like that, e got rid of Florida."

"In the first place, it isn't "maddening crowd.' It's 'madding crowd.' "

"We need to make some cuts. We'll start with integrity, accountability, openness, and transparency."

Hollywood Sign Developers

'The History Channel is all reruns.'

"And when the canyon fills up, that's it; herd immunity."

Support the Ex-Troops

"Now, how can I be of assistance?"

'According to our statistics department, 78.93 of the statistics they produce are worthless.'

Come in, minion. What's up, boss? I'm writing a novel. It's a thriller about an intrepid caf

Torturing the English Language

Life is for the birds.

Pretty Flowers

Three gates of hell: marriage counseling, investments, company meetings

'I've decided to step down as your CEO in order to spend more time in jail...'

"We're looking for that perfect blend of vision, ambition and ethical ambiguity."

The height of fashion in 1796

"So then, after I'd invented my time machine, I thought: why not go back and visit the good old days?"

reincarnated worm...

"If we only used bigger clubs we would defeat our enemies every time, and we would dominate them forever!"

Baby's first thought...Daddy's a moron.

Needed Inventions: An Airbag To Protect The Viewer Against A Really Lousy Program.

Don't swallow. I've lost a contact.

"It says 'break glass' but it doesn't say what glass!'

'The meek shall inherit the Earth!'

Unpopular Street Signs: Road Work Behind, Speed Jump Ahead, Good Luck, Slow Distracted Adults.

"Really? They're now giving out non-participation trophies?"

'Dang it, I just washed this street. Boy, every time...'

"Let's say you've always wanted to make someone a mixtape to show them how much you care about them. What's the best order? Do you start with songs about how rich you are before moving on to the songs about love? Or vice versa?. . .What order would best simulate sincerity?"

"I don't like the looks of that!"

"And we are proud to say we only use the freshest artificial ingredients."