Royalty Lore T-Shirts

"So, son, princes descended from frogs while other humans descended from apes."

"Before you chop off my head, don't you think we should see a counsellor?"

King Henry and his Cheshire bride

Ernie Studios. Hi, Ernie. What movies are you working on? We have a script about astronauts marooned on a planet filed with talking gorillas who are in hard economic times. I think I'll call it "The Apes of Wrath"! We're casting "Reignman." The central character is a savant monarch. And we're filming a movie about a suburban town populated by women with strange, long hair ... It's called "The Stepford Weaves."

'You realize, we can't use the 'benign neglect' method for everything.'

"What sorcery be this? Thine castle is bouncy!"

"Well how about that. . . Lady Godiva bought a Harley!"

'Sire, Sodom and Gomorrah are requesting Federal disaster relief aid.'

'You can just forget about the cake.'

'I guess it's not much consolation but I thought your impersonation of the King was a riot.'

Lady of the bath...

The Grasshopper's Feast: A Prophetic Vision

'At this rate I'll end up with more heirs than hairs!'

"You don't think it's too ungapatchka?"

'Don't look at me like that! You're the one who wanted to live in a bouncy castle!'

"It's a cage. It's gilded, and I love it."

"I need a little more drama like a ten part mini-series."

'Don't be silly- of course you're going into the family business!'

"Based on the feedback from advisers whom I haven't beheaded, all of my ideas are great."

'How about a game of cards?'

King George I

"You are being overly-defensive again, Brenda!"

Uses of a Dead Cat in History: Dead Cat Crown Jewels

Joust Sharpener

"She wishes to range free!"

'You've made a powerful enemy'

'Did you bark, M'Lady?'

'Fancy you doing a curtsey and she being a non-serving royal, you big dope!'

'This vacation, let's go on something OTHER than a power trip.'

'The Burrito King.'

Czarcasm

TV jester.

"He's a guard dog."

"Can you juggle a household, three kids, and a career?"

'I can't finish -- may I have a peasant-bag?'