Royalty Humorist Pillows

'Cut off his head, but be compassionate about it.'

"He always makes a fool of himself when he addresses the nation."

'Of course I'm being defensive -- I'm the Secretary of Defense!'

King Henry VII

'I'm worried sick -- the King just ordered a bunch of Benny Hill DVD's!'

Covid Rules

"I'll need a volunteer from the audience."

'Let's see ... 'several monarchs form group to request World Bank loans' -- 'Kings Around The Dollar'.'

'Mother's visiting next week, so I'd like you to lock up all the dissidents.'

'I was all ready to deal with the military, but I never expected an IRS coup!'

'Remember when pitchers would walk on their own to and from the mound?'

I bragged about catching a fish a meter in lenght but it was the size of a sardine.

'A new era has begun!' - 'He trimmed his beard.'

"With respect, Your Majesty's involvement with the Yahoo Bootlovers Group is not conducive to the cohesion of the Empire."

'Try to think about something else.'

'Sire, the jester is gesturing at you...'

"I've been bounced a few times, but never deposed."

"Hey hey we're the monarchy"

"All rise."

'Don't bother Daddy -- He fell in the moat again.'

"Hackers, Sire! They've broken through our firewall."

"We've decided to convert the dungeon into studio apartments, so kill all the prisoners."

"Deal with it Your Majesty- Comedy is king!"

"I told the cook I would prefer that she use some kind of artificial blackbird substitute."

'I'm not saying he's unpopular, but the Secret Service won't let me wear spike heels.'

'I did give your brother a job - he's keeping an eye out for forest fires.'

Queen to daughter about puppy: 'You won't either name her 'Queenie'!'

King and clown engage in role reversal.

Jester Cries Over His Replacement

"Just suck it up and let him continue binge-watching your entire repertoire."

'No, no, no - I said do me a ship in a bottle'

'What's the point of being king of the dogs if I still have to fetch his slippers?!'

'We've laid it out so that twice a year the sun's rays will penetrate all the way back to the throne and smack him right between the eyes.'

King reaching for an apple

The Queen's Speech