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Rasputin - You don't have to be a mad monk to work here but it helps

"I'm sorry, Your Majesty. It's always my intention to leave you laughing."

"Before you chop off my head, don't you think we should see a counsellor?"

'You realize, we can't use the 'benign neglect' method for everything.'

'Sire, Sodom and Gomorrah are requesting Federal disaster relief aid.'

'Now that's an afro!'

King Henry and his Cheshire bride

"You don't think it's too ungapatchka?"

"It's a cage. It's gilded, and I love it."

'Don't be silly- of course you're going into the family business!'

"Based on the feedback from advisers whom I haven't beheaded, all of my ideas are great."

King George I

'How about a game of cards?'

'Did you bark, M'Lady?'

TV jester.

Czarcasm

"He's a guard dog."

"The peasants are revolting Sire."

'Fancy you doing a curtsey and she being a non-serving royal, you big dope!'

'You've got to cure my sleepwalking, Doc - I keep falling into the moat!'

"Can you juggle a household, three kids, and a career?"

'Well, nobody can say you haven't grown in office.'

'I can't finish -- may I have a peasant-bag?'

'Gunboat diplomacy won't work, sire -- we're landlocked, remember?'

'Frankincense, dummy! I asked for frankincense!'

'Charles, you're carrying this 'king of the castle' business too far!'

'The deficit doesn't look nearly so bad now that we've switched to Arabic numerals.'

The Unhappy King

'The King of what?'

'I screwed up royally!'

'Scroll down for the good stuff!'

"Seriously, you can't balance the budget with cushion change."

'He was born with a silver spoon all right, but not in his mouth.'

"I don't suppose you get many sovereign rulers in here anymore?"

'Small favor, Elizabeth - before we enter the throne room, drop back ten paces.'