Royal Escapades Gifts

A Foot Guard being teased by children.

"I'm sorry, Your Majesty. It's always my intention to leave you laughing."

'Now that's an afro!'

"It's a cage. It's gilded, and I love it."

King George I

'You've got to cure my sleepwalking, Doc - I keep falling into the moat!'

'Fancy you doing a curtsey and she being a non-serving royal, you big dope!'

King on the toilet whilst jester laughs because the toilet paper is out of reach.

"He doesn't suffer fools gladly."

"Not tonight. The furniture is sentient again."

The Unhappy King

'Your Grandpa achieved greatness, he thrust greatness upon me, and then you were born great!'

"Seriously, you can't balance the budget with cushion change."

'Henry, we can't begin to make progress unless your friend leaves the room.'

"Don't even think about it! I am the property of the English Monarch!"

"Of all the labour saving devices invented in the last 70 years, this is one's favourite."

Royal Love

''Depression'? -- You or the country or both?'

'He'll stop being so smug when he gets his first dent.'

"I should cover your ears.I'm not very good at this.'

"To be fair, I think you should be very clear about the ground rules with your next jester."

'Our top theologians have studied the issue, Your Majesty, and they agree that you're damned if you do and damned if you don't.'

Everybody forgot his jubilee.

'But, dear -- Lady Godiva is part of my diversity program!'

'Nobody treats the king that way and gets away with it.'

'One can see the baby's crown!'

'He just outlawed his in-laws.'

Hoodies anticipate bride's choice of wedding dress.

'Could you scoot your chair over this way a little dear?'

"Someone should have warned you - he doesn't suffer fools gladly."

"And His Majesty sends you a great big kiss, too."

"I'm popping out for a tinkle."

"Enemies, yes, but doesn't your moat also keep out love?"

Disraeli becomes Earl of Beaconsfield

Diana Inquest - 'It's time to move on, and start making a TV mini-series of her life.'