Royal Chef T-Shirts

'It's blueberry...Blackbirds are out of season.'

"I'm the king's food taster. He likes comfort foods."

'See? You call my look 'a midlife crisis' but for these guys it's a major TV series.'

Before getting a basketball scholarship, Jack worked at a pancake house.

Witch's Brew.

How to correctly estimate cooking time

"Hey, …. what's not to like?"

"There's only the four of us. I hope you like doo-wop."

"Fair's fair. I cooked the dinner, so you can clean the cauldron!"

"Bill just does celebrity cook-books these days, that's where the real money is."

Captain Hook's lesser known brother - Captain Spatula

How I met your mother

'Now time for a coffee while hubby cleans up the mess.'

"Yes, but you were the defender of the wrong faith."

"Well, he's a celebrity chef and the celebreties love his cooking."

Skyscraper Chef's Hat.

Chef's Specials - Hissy Fits, Shouting and Swearing, Pompus Indigestion.

An intergalactic oat bran cluster, about to significantly lower Earth's average cholesterol level.

"When Picasso was hungry he would swap a painting for a meal. Times change. I am a celebrity chef..."

'Celeb Foods: Damien Hurst's voles in brine.'

'Nobody does curses like Gordon Ramsay.'

'Turkey again! It's the sixth of January... Just how big was that flaming bird?!'

'Sorry, viewers, I was going to show you one I made earlier but it's been scoffed by the second assistant sound engineer.'

"Try and push the eye of newt and wing of bat casserole."

'I'll have the frogs legs - and make sure they're kneeling.'

'Do you have an appointment?'

'He's disappointed with the Queen's card - he wanted a rude one!'

'And stir to a smooth consistency.'

"It's still stew but the celebrity chef wants to call it a deconstructed steak and ale pie with a dusting of salt in a brown sauce coulis."

"You've actually done something even Gordon Ramsay can't do-burn the salad!"

"And there it is... Coronation chicken"