Royal Chef T-Shirts

'It's blueberry...Blackbirds are out of season.'

"I'm the king's food taster. He likes comfort foods."

'See? You call my look 'a midlife crisis' but for these guys it's a major TV series.'

"I specialise in themed dinners 'Titanic', 'Armageddon' , 'Towering Inferno'..."

Before getting a basketball scholarship, Jack worked at a pancake house.

Keith Floyd.

How to correctly estimate cooking time

Witch's Brew.

"Hey, …. what's not to like?"

"There's only the four of us. I hope you like doo-wop."

"Fair's fair. I cooked the dinner, so you can clean the cauldron!"

How I met your mother

"Yes, but you were the defender of the wrong faith."

Captain Hook's lesser known brother - Captain Spatula

"Bill just does celebrity cook-books these days, that's where the real money is."

'Now time for a coffee while hubby cleans up the mess.'

"Well, he's a celebrity chef and the celebreties love his cooking."

Skyscraper Chef's Hat.

Chef's Specials - Hissy Fits, Shouting and Swearing, Pompus Indigestion.

Woman reads Nigella Lawson cook book: 'Add butter to the mixture, remembering to moisten your lips ... whisk for three to four minutes, pouting throughout ...'

An intergalactic oat bran cluster, about to significantly lower Earth's average cholesterol level.

"When Picasso was hungry he would swap a painting for a meal. Times change. I am a celebrity chef..."

"What do you mean, where's your order? Can't you see we're just starting to really cook?"

'Turkey again! It's the sixth of January... Just how big was that flaming bird?!'

'Nobody does curses like Gordon Ramsay.'

'Celeb Foods: Damien Hurst's voles in brine.'

'Do you have an appointment?'

'And stir to a smooth consistency.'

"Try and push the eye of newt and wing of bat casserole."

"You've actually done something even Gordon Ramsay can't do-burn the salad!"

Emeril Lagasse

"It's still stew but the celebrity chef wants to call it a deconstructed steak and ale pie with a dusting of salt in a brown sauce coulis."

'I'll have the frogs legs - and make sure they're kneeling.'

'He's disappointed with the Queen's card - he wanted a rude one!'

'Sorry, viewers, I was going to show you one I made earlier but it's been scoffed by the second assistant sound engineer.'