Roommate Wrangler Gifts

"And FYI, Iggy has night terrors."

"Don't talk to me about smelly feet: my flatmate is a centipede..."

Domestic Superheroes!!

Dear, could you please pick up some batteries? The ones in the remote are dead and I feel like I'm Amish.

"In my house, 'dirty dancing' means it's time to mop the floor."

DO Not Disturb (Except For Meals)

Biofelineism

'I was just playing rodeo and breaking horses.'

"I finally found a use for that old home repair book..."

"The following programme contains scenes of a very noisy vacuum cleaner."

"Who's taking my order—the committee of the whole, or is there a liaison for decaf?"

A man sees a leak in his ceiling and drills a hole in the floor under leak to by pass his apartment.

"Can we please just stick to the core business?"

"Someone’s in the kitchen. Did you lock up my kibble?"

She - Interpreter - He.

"It's the sequel to 'Cooking for One'."

"Lazy? I've been social-networking my ass off."

"Again, are you sure I didn't mention about bringing your own 3-D glasses?"

High Riders of the Old West

Things my vacuum likes to suck up

'Are we broke yet?'

"Excuse me, but I believe you are in my seat."

'Who gets the decaf?'

"Has the Wi-Fi seemed slow to you lately?"

"It's not the paranormal activity that bothers me so much as the passive aggression."

'I installed all the floor tiles by myself. I did it all by tile and error.'

It's Your Turn to Do the Dishes Tonight!

'Your wife says you act like a fool. I thought you said she never pays attention to you.'

"Dammit Harold, you know I hate that mask!"

"Oh, no - not another farmer's market!"

"Much ado list"

"Next time don't use a herbed vinegar."

It's not considered drinking alone if the cat is at home.

'Sorry I'm late getting home from work, I overslept.'