Roomie-life Navigators T-Shirts

"Hen you live in my building we're family."

Shoulda, Woulda, Coulda

"Oh look—he fell asleep when you told me about your day."

Everyone agrees: Aunt Juanita needs a man.

"Honey, this is serious, we need to text."

"Why do I feel like your mother is going to blame this on my cleaning?"

"I'm so sorry that I screamed...I had a terrible dream: the kids had to leave college and live with us again...Oh, Ed, it was horrible!"

"Of course I love you, I'm just busy with other men."

'Do you take this annoying woman to be your lawful wedded wife?'

Baby At The Entrance Of The Maze Of Life

"Mommy is having another baby. Let me assure you that any paradigm shift will be incremental, core values remain family-centric, and Mommy is committed to assimilation and building synergy."

"Uh-oh. The so-called marriage penalty."

"Do you, Amanda and John, promise to watch yourselves, mind your Ps and Qs, and generally step on eggshells in this marriage, in order to somehow keep it up and running for as long as possible?"

"Let's split up the jobs for taking care of the baby. I'll take care of what goes in to him. . . you take care of what goes out!"

"Thanks for that."

'I'm sorry but I need my own space.'

"No, Phil, I'm not grateful that we finally have some time alone."

Oh silly me, I'm trying to fix my glasses with nasal spray instead of super glue!

"It's not all your fault, some of it is my mother's!"

"I don't understand... I've scientifically proven that you were wrong. How can you still be mad at me?"

"Once we're all vaccinated, will you still want to spend every waking moment together?"

'We tried marriage your way and it didn't work. Now it's my way!'

"Life’s become pretty easy lately. Perhaps it’s time we shake things up by adding a dependent."

'I feel like I just don't know you anymore, Richard!'

'No Jennifer! I never head of mad broccoli disease.'

"We slipped in the tub."

'In defense of forgetting our anniversary, I forgot we're married.'

Fourplay.

'I've been married to your sister for 9 years, so why should I be scared of you?'

"He's not gonna lose it tonight."

Certificate in Living Room Celebrating Three Days Without Argument

"I deliberately married an archaeologist because I thought the older I got, the more interest you would show in me..."

"We just don't seem to make time for one another these days."