Room Cleaner Denier Pillows

"Joining the Army was great for me son; he learned a skill and gained a world of self confidence. Of course, he still won't clean his room."

"You can't blow out the candles. You're rolled."

"At least you have taste when it comes to your computer's wallpaper."

I cannot tell you why men will not ask for directions

You missed a spot!

"What do you have that's bigger than 'king'?"

'Now, you'd better pick up your toys or no bath!'

Scientific Research: 'Does your research on the sunset include the observation of the sunrise?'

"I'll take this Feng Shui for Cats. And spare me the eye-rolls, please."

"Since you insist on imagining yourself as always 39 years old, I thought it only appropriate to invite all your imaginary friends."

"Some clean room - there's a fly in my potassium nitrate."

"Fascinating. He ran on it the first few days, but now he's just using it to hang his clothes."

'Three words, Corporal: 'Advanced military technology',,, Relax,'

"After the kids moved out I turned their space into a guest room."

A sleeping couple

"Mom! Are these capri pants, or did I just get taller?"

"It's great, Heidi! All the privacy I want without locking the door...And they probably won't figure it out until I'm in college!"

'I don't know which is worse - the popcorn people spill on the floor, or the chicken poop.'

"You'll find that in the second drawer from the bottom under the scissors."

'Alice, the blonde, speaking.'

"A banana Grace left in my room four weeks ago."

"Ralphie sold me his car alarm."

'...and get some of that kitchen cleaner that kills molds and fungus.'

Magic to prepare food

Mess up your room!

'Now keep your mouth shut. This is our last ball.'

Landmines

'You can just go somewhere else for your darts practice!'

'Okay, how about THAT shade of mud?'

'When will you learn, you can't buy a suit off the rack?'

"What? Speak up! I can't hear you! I'm getting outside interference!"

"This is where I live. My parents got the rest of the house."