Rome Gifts

I dont care what your life coach told you. You don't get to choose your battles.

It's a letter from Romulus and Remus thanking me for feeding them...Now, isn't that sweet...

Shepherd and eurydice

"Is this to make me feel bad for not getting you that laptop?"

"Do you want to play doctorate?"

Pounding speeds up the computer.

Adult Courses. It's so hard keeping the information from different classes separate! I'm talking film history and psychology. I failed a test because I said a "psychopath" is the walkway Norman Bates took home. I also confused geography and aeronautics. I said the "great plains" are located at an Air Force testing base in the California desert. My worst nightmare was confusing the thinks ti learned in driver's education and statistics. But at least I now know it's driving where you must st

"This is a lovely old song that tells of a young woman who leaves her cottage, and goes off to work. She arrives at her destination, and places some solid NHHS in a flask containing 0.50 atm ofammonia, and attempts to determine the pressures of ammonia and hydrogen sulide when equilibrium is reached."

"Thanks to the Oscars, we're going to be the hottest finger food this season."

"Bond James, Bond."

'He really wanted to get into the zombie role, so he became a Meth-Head actor.'

They hated me.

Louis Armstrong

"For the best picture not having won anything thereby being eliminated from this category..."

"Just be yourself."

Prize vegetables.

A Symphony of Penguins

The Busy Gardener

"Hulk no can be mad at Mr. Puppy Face"

"M'lady, we’ve reached peak Brooklyn."

"These aren’t the droids you’re looking for."

The Computer Bore

Showbiz Awards

James Bond in a Snow Globe

'Houston, I'm prepared to land...'

Screenwriters pitch movie to studio boss: 'It's a reinterpretation of Bicycle Thieves, that classic of Italian neo-realism. We're calling it, Dude, Where's My Chopper?'

Grad School Parent-Teacher Conference

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'Human Error .. Yet Again.'

Pete Townshend Vineyards

'Past performance is not an indication of future results.'

"Here's another one written in E minor and in case you haven't guessed by now, it's the only chord I know."

Director/Action Man toy.

Benedict Cumberbatch

'Someone got me because I matched her purse, I've been to a rock concert, a night club and two weddings, Life as a designer dog is great but I'd trade caviar for kibble to get a good night's sleep,'