Romantically Challenged Pillows

Lady walks along next to a man with sign saying 'I am on a blind date. Please help.'

'Past performance is not an indication of future results.'

"She said, 'I'll go if you go,' and I said, 'I'll go if you go,' and here we are."

'Here's to being in love, in a hurry, and in debt.'

Book store has a book called 'Mind Games,' which is floating magically in the air.

"It's not safe to keep meeting like this."

"This isn't working. We have nothing in common."

'First, you have to stop treating your husband like a child.'

"What do you mean asking you to marry me via text wasn't romantic? Did you see the emoji with hearts for eyes I attached?"

Husband and wife come out of Tunnel of Love, and man is fishing

"It's alright for you, female worms are everywhere, but when was the last time you saw a Mummy-Long-Legs?"

'Choose, Fenwick ? me or corporatge clout.'

"You’ll meet a beautiful woman whom your mother will loathe."

"Now we'll see what my husband has to say about this!"

'Ever since we bought thet blasted water bed we've been drifting apart!'

"I need you, Roberta. Deep inside me there's a married man aching to get out."

"I'm starting to believe that this relationship was doomed from the start...!"

'You certainly picked your moment to propose!'

"I'm sorry darling, did I just say, 'I hate you with every micro-fiber of my being'?"

Man looks for wife help from machine.

"I don't believe you can't get close to anyone, Mr Jones. Get back over your own side."

'Would you like to come over to my place and see a video of my first marriage?'

'I'm the bride's ex boyfriend. Before she says yes, can I just tell her that I've just won the lottery jackpot?!'

'Aunt Val's pretty cool. . . Kind of hot actually. . . for an older lady.'

"My dating life has come down to choosing between bad breath and bad credit."

'Our relationship will never work Whenever it gets interesting, you've got to rush to the surface for air'

'I wish you would tell people that I've been 'kicked upstairs' instead of I've been 'given the boot'.'

"Well which do you think is more likely, your pillow is growing hair or you're losing yours?"

"My wife has been walking five miles a day. I think she's somewhere in the middle of Pennsylvania now."

'I was betting you wouldn't show.'

"I resent it when people come into complain about their spouses, especially when one is my husband."

'I am Evelyn Frank, and this is my husband, brutally.'

On the start position

"You said it. I heard it. There's no taking it back, Harold!"