Romantic Yet Practical Pillows

"Health and safety need you to put rubber tips on your arrows and replace the angel tears in your love potion with saline."

'Darling I want you to remember this always,,,'

'Why, of course I remember our first date -- I had filet mignon, potatoes au gratin, sauteed....'

"...until death do you a favor."

Say it with flowers

'Mind taking off your scarf.'

Online Dating

Cinderella and Charming the Clown

"He was a grouch when I met him. It was love at first gripe."

"Florets! How lovely, I'd better put them in some boiling water."

Frank, this is carrying safe sex too far.

"I never actually said I was spiderman...I just said that no one has ever seen us in the same room together."

"Now will you do something funny."

"This is never going to work—you're a tree!"

Recycled passion.

She never could tell when he was being sarcastic.

'I got you 10 roses. I believe strong relationships are based on the metric system.'

'I'd be more impressed that you bought me flowers if you didn't take a job as a delivery boy to get the employee discount.'

Happy Valentine's Day

"I didn't want you doing what you did on our last date."

'Group hug anyone?'

Nothing like a Valentine from my boyfriend David... the cardiologist.

'Do you have one that plays the theme from Godzilla?'

'Do you , Cynthia, who is completely free of any genetic engineering, take Rodney, who is equally free...'

"I bought it on Amazon. They have a good return policy."

"Julie, are you live tweeting this!?"

"Date night again already?"

'Did anyone ever tell you that you look lovely under the glow of these energy saver lights?'

"Like THAT's ever going to work!"

'Single Heating and Cooling technician in search of intelligent, attractive woman. Send picture of your furnace & AC.'

'I like a man in a suit.'

Just Married an Oil Baron

"It's not you, it's me – I automatically updated overnight and we're no longer compatible."

'Look - forget I asked if you were free any evenings...'

'I love your cardiovascular system!'