Romantic Yet Practical Gifts

"Health and safety need you to put rubber tips on your arrows and replace the angel tears in your love potion with saline."

'Darling I want you to remember this always,,,'

'Why, of course I remember our first date -- I had filet mignon, potatoes au gratin, sauteed....'

"...until death do you a favor."

Say it with flowers

'Mind taking off your scarf.'

Online Dating

Cinderella and Charming the Clown

"He was a grouch when I met him. It was love at first gripe."

Frank, this is carrying safe sex too far.

She never could tell when he was being sarcastic.

"This is never going to work—you're a tree!"

"I never actually said I was spiderman...I just said that no one has ever seen us in the same room together."

Recycled passion.

"Now will you do something funny."

'I got you 10 roses. I believe strong relationships are based on the metric system.'

'I'd be more impressed that you bought me flowers if you didn't take a job as a delivery boy to get the employee discount.'

'Group hug anyone?'

Nothing like a Valentine from my boyfriend David... the cardiologist.

"I bought it on Amazon. They have a good return policy."

'Did anyone ever tell you that you look lovely under the glow of these energy saver lights?'

'Do you , Cynthia, who is completely free of any genetic engineering, take Rodney, who is equally free...'

"Julie, are you live tweeting this!?"

'Single Heating and Cooling technician in search of intelligent, attractive woman. Send picture of your furnace & AC.'

'I love your cardiovascular system!'

"It's not you, it's me – I automatically updated overnight and we're no longer compatible."

'I like a man in a suit.'

Just Married an Oil Baron

'Look - forget I asked if you were free any evenings...'

'It had been one of those long, smouldering, passionate kisses that seem to last forever'